Boys and Girls
by SuddenlySandi
Summary: Bella and Edward are coworkers with a lot of emotional baggage. They are selfish and must learn to change in order to make a relationship work. They will have to see each other in a whole new light. all human
1. Chapter 1 thru 3

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight characters**

**The Beginning**

**Bella**

It was raining, of course rain was to be expected in Seattle. It was a rare day that the sun would be shinning. I wasn't going to let it damper my enthusiasm. Today was my first day at The Carlisle Corporation. I had actually worked for this company for ten years, since I was a student, but I just transferred to the Seattle office. I moved around the country to various divisions of the same corporation. I thrived on new experiences.

When the elevator door opened on the 7th floor a small woman about my age greeted me. "You must be Bella Swan?" she announced.

She was petite, dark, and very stylish. Her suit was a designer label and I recognized the shoes right away. She was so bubbly she was actually bouncing. I couldn't help but smile at the energy emanating from her.

"I'm Alice Brandon and I get to show you around. Did they tell you which team you were on? We were so thrilled to get you on our team….but today is not really a good day since we will be presenting."

Her forehead wrinkled into a frown and she leaned closer to whisper, "We have one of the visiting V.P.'s on our team for this campaign, so we are going with his concept and it really sucks. I am sure they won't hold you responsible, since it's your first day."

Without waiting for a response she grabbed my arm and began pulling me down a hallway of offices. She would stop and open each door looking for its inhabitant. After a brief introduction she would begin pulling me to the next room.

She stopped halfway down the hallway and turned to me before opening the door. "This will be your office. You are replacing Rosalie McCarty, who is having a baby. She decided to stay home after the birth and I guess I should warn you, she is not one of those happy, glowing, pregnant women." She opened her mouth to say more, but decided against it, instead turned to open the door.

Sitting at the desk was a gorgeous woman; tall, tan, blonde and apparently very irritated. "Damn, Alice, can't you knock."

"See," Alice laughed as she jumped up to sit on the edge of the desk. "This is bitch Rose," she nodded toward the woman. "And Rose; this is Bella, who is replacing you and making our lives so much better."

Rose gave me a curt smile without even looking in my direction. "Get your ass off my desk. Who knows where it has been!"

Alice jumped off the desk but not because of Rose's order. "Hey, Edward," she called to the man walking past.

He stopped and leaned his head into Rose's, or _my_, office. I felt my heart speed up. Alice introduced us and I never took my eyes off of him. I had to remind myself that I do not get involved with coworkers. I actually don't get involved with anyone, but coworkers _couldn't_ become sex buddies. Maybe Seattle has more like this one. I was suddenly excited to get into the night life here.

"Edward, this is Rose's replacement, Bella Swan." I smiled and put my hand out to shake his.

"Bella," he nodded quietly.

"Edward," I replied just as stoically.

He glanced at Alice and Rose uncomfortably and continued down the hall.

"I know. I know," was all Alice said as she pulled me to continue our tour. After making our way down two hallways of offices she led me to a conference room. A tall blond man with long hair was leaning over a table looking at several conceptual drawings.

"Hey, babe," he said to Alice. "This stuff is shit!"

She skipped her way over to him and hugged him from behind as he continued looking at the drawings.

"This is Jasper, my reason for living," she laughed. He turned to look at her and then noticed me standing in the room.

"Hello," he nodded. "You replacing the wicked witch of Seattle?"

Alice hit him playfully. "Jasper is under contract to do our art work. He actually works for a different firm but we use him, don't we baby? And don't call Rose a witch," she teased.

"Hi, Jasper," I finally spoke up. "I think Alice prefers we call Rose a bitch, not a witch."

They both stared at me with wide eyes and then broke out into laughter. "Oh, I like this one," Jasper announced.

Alice led me to the Human Resources office so I could fill out paperwork, telling me to return to the conference room when I was finished. I was a little sad to see her leave. I enjoyed her energy and she made me feel welcomed. One of the many secretaries handed me a folder of things to fill out. I hated this part. It was the same at every office I transferred into and I just don't understand why they can't transfer all my information along with me.

By the time I made it back to the conference room my entire team was assembled. I got to finally see the minds I would be working with and competing against. They were all talking and strategizing for the big meeting where they would present their concept for an orange juice company wanting to stress their products use for things other than breakfast. It would have to pass an in-house presentation before the client would be asked to look at it.

Alice was right, it really did suck. I wasn't sure if I would have the nerve to speak up on my first day but surely the other team would voice enough concerns for it to go back to the drawing board.

When they finally had everything in place the conference room began filling up. I instantly noticed when Edward entered the room. He gravitated to the back and didn't make eye contact with anyone. He picked up his packet and began looking through the materials. I did notice his brow furrow. He knew this was crap and it made me smile.

Each member of the team presented parts of the concept and I noticed Alice's enthusiasm was almost non existent. "Stupid office politics," I thought. "What did they expect these people to do when a V.P. was pushing his ideas onto them?"

After the presentation the room was uncomfortably silent when the office manager, Mr. Newton, cleared his throat and finally spoke. "Jasper, you did a nice job with the artwork. Thank you again for your expertise." Jasper just nodded.

_Are you fucking kidding me!_ Is that it? Nobody was going to say anything? I was trying to get up the courage when a voice in the back of the room spoke up.

"This is just…..beyond unacceptable." Edward didn't look up as he spoke but continued flipping through the packet. "If fact," he continued, "this is shit."

Mr. Laurent the V.P. looked at him with a shocked expression. "Would you care to elaborate Mr. Cullen?"

Edward finally looked up and sat back in his chair while crossing his arms in front of himself. "Shit, crap, useless, stupid, amateur."

The room erupted in stifled giggles and Mr. Laurent's face turned bright red. I didn't know if he was embarrassed or angry. Edward's eyes met mine and I smiled and nodded hoping he would understand I was supporting him.

"I think we need to hear some other ideas before we present this to the client," Edward offered.

Rosalie instantly tensed and lifted her chin. Speaking very softly she murmured, "Like hell I'm working all weekend."

I was suddenly overcome by an idea. Without even thinking it all the way through I blurted out, "I think the use of an animated orange reiterates the whole 'orange juice for breakfast' idea. I would suggest we use situations that are familiar but add an unexpected component. Like kids playing in a park and a group of dad's calling them over to hand them some juice. Or a little league football game and at half time the helmets come off and they are little girls running over for the juice."

The room instantly started buzzing. Ideas were flying everywhere. Tag lines were being shared back and forth and even Mr. Laurent was giving suggestions. I felt my heart rate slow down before I had even realized it was racing. Rose caught my eye and blew me a kiss. _The wicked witch of Seattle actually blew me a kiss!_

Jasper began gathering his story boards and yelled above the noise to give him a call when we decided on the mock ups.

By the end of the day I had somehow transformed into the office savior. People on both teams were welcoming me to the office and inviting me out for drinks. I think I'm really going to like living here.

I never stayed too long in one place and I never kept in touch with people when I left. Facebook and Twitter was not in my vocabulary. I learned from my mother, Renee, that life was to be enjoyed to the fullest and attachments were nothing but ways to pull you down.

I worked along side Rosalie for two long months as she complained about every ach she had, every pound she gained, every slight her husband made. I rather liked her husband, Emmett. He was a happy go lucky, teddy bear of a guy; huge and ominous with deep dimples and a quick smile.

I attended her baby shower, a first for me and found the whole concept a little weird. "Here, Bella," a young woman instructed. "Smell the diaper and write which type of candy bar you think is melted into it."

"Sorry," I said looking directly into her eyes. "I don't smell shit."

The woman looked flustered and assured me it was only chocolate. I stood and made my way to the buffet table. I made a face at the pink cake decorated with a pair of sugar baby shoes. _Who wants to eat cake thinking about feet. _

Alice appeared at my side carrying a basket full of gifts. "I couldn't decide what to get so I sort of cleaned out the store," she giggled. "What did you buy?"

"Nothing," I admitted. "I put a hundred dollar bill in a card."

"Bella, that is not very creative."

"I spend ten hours a day being creative. Sorry if I don't worry about a baby who is only going to spit and shit on whatever I buy."

"Please tell me you are infertile," Alice demanded.

"Oh, believe me, you will not be receiving an invitation to one of these from me. When this is over lets hit the Grunge."

The Grunge quickly became my favorite hang out. Alice, Jasper and I usually made it there twice a week. It wasn't too far from the office and I began recognizing many of the regulars.

This particular night was unusually warm and the rain was only a mist. It felt like you could actually breathe water instead of air. The club was packed and I was in my own little world as I danced alone on the dance floor. Every once in awhile some random guy would come up behind me and take hold of my hips to dance with me, but I never acknowledge their presence so they all eventually lost interest.

I was holding my Heineken bottle in one hand while my other hand swayed over my head in rhythm to the music. I could feel the sweat dripping down my back so I gathered my hair in my hand and lifted it up to place the cold beer bottle to my neck. It was at that moment I noticed someone starring at me.

He was leaning against the back wall with a drink in his hand. When my eyes met his he moved deeper into the shadows so I could no longer see his face, but I could still feel him staring. I dropped my hair and continued looking in his direction as I swayed to the music.

I had never noticed Edward come here before and wanted to believe it was to see me. We saw each other at office meetings, but never worked together or even had a conversation one on one.

I slowly moved on the dance floor closer to where he was standing. He was my entire focus as I began dancing just for him. My movements were becoming more and more suggestive but I couldn't help it. It turned me on to think of him staring as my body writhed in time to the music.

"What the hell are you doing Bella?" a voice spoke into my ear as a pair of arms circled around me. "Do you want me to arrest you for indecency?" My eyes turned in shock to see Emmett, Rose's husband, pulling me closer.

"You know I'm a cop, right?" he smiled.

"Emmett," I laughed. "Is Rose here?"

"Naw, she home going through all the presents. I'm here with my brother just having a drink and I noticed you hanging your 'come hump me' sign."

"What?" I teased as I slapped his arm. "I was just enjoying the music." My eyes wandered over his shoulder and I saw Edward step out of the shadows. He knocked down the rest of his drink and set the glass on the closest table, while he continued to stare directly into my eyes. I wanted to say something or motion him over but I was still being held by Emmett.

His eyes narrowed as if he was contemplating something, then he abruptly turned and walked away. I lost sight of him in the crowd but he was headed toward the exit.

I mentally took note not to let an opportunity to hook up with him slip by again. It was against all of my rules but Edward seemed like he wasn't the clingy type. If things got too deep I could always transfer to another office. It didn't take long for my opportunity to come.

**Edward **

I was walking down the hallway dying for a drink when Alice called my name. I knew it had to be something trivial because Alice never asked for anyone's opinion except Jasper's. When I stuck my head in the office she introduced me to a new employee.

I wasn't surprised by the face in front of me. Of course, she was beautiful. They needed another face to replace Rosalie. I'm not saying Rosalie wasn't talented. She was on Yorkie's team and he needed a looker to make up for the fact the guy had zero personality. Eric Yorkie and Ben Johnson were hard workers but the creative side of their team was definitely Alice and Rosalie.

I nodded hello to the new face and headed into my office, closing the door behind me. I stared at the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet and waged an internal battle between the bottle of top shelf vodka and my more noble side. This time my noble side won.

When I was called into the conference room to sit through an in-house presentation I was in a very bad mood. I made my way to the back of the room and opened the packet of materials lying in front of me. I was stunned. Alice and Rosalie were more creative than the crap I was looking at in front of me. Nothing made sense until I saw Mr. Laurent, company Vice President, standing with the presenting team. It was obvious they were pitching his idea.

After they made their presentation the room was silent. I couldn't sit still any longer and voiced my opinion. It was only then I noticed the new girl. She was biting on her bottom lip and nodding for me to continue. I couldn't expect her to speak up since it was her first day, but she was in agreement with my assessment of the presentation.

When I suggested we hear more ideas she threw one on the table and knocked it out of the park. She was fast and sharp. I envied Yorkie getting to have her on his team. She was going to be a great replacement for Rosalie….if they could survive the next couple of months together.

I got home that evening and left the lights off when I entered the house. Sam was pacing by the back door so I grabbed his leash and took him for a run. It was totally dark by the time we returned so I turned on the back porch light so I could see enough to pour him a dish of dog food.

I didn't bother making myself any food. I grabbed a bottle and lay across the couch. I woke up the next morning in the exact same position, only the bottle was almost empty.

"Don't give me that look," I said to Sam.

He whined and tilted his head to the side.

"I know, it's not a weekend," I defended.

I don't know why I felt I had to explain to a dog, but it made me feel somewhat better that I had him watching out for me. "I'll eat actual food tonight, I promise."

Sam followed me to my bedroom and watched as I dressed for the day. At least I didn't look like a drunk….yet. I was tenacious when it came to my appearance. After splashing on the latest fad in cologne I headed to work.

I went right to my office and shut the door, where I remained for the entire day. I rarely spoke with my co workers. I went to lunch once in awhile with Jasper but he technically didn't work for the Carlisle Corp. He was on contract to work certain campaigns, so I felt he wasn't really "one of them".

I had been working extra hours on a big national campaign for about a month when I noticed I didn't have the latest art work. I called Jasper and he said to bring the CD by the Grunge and he would take a look at what I had and add the stuff I needed.

I wasn't there long when I noticed a woman dancing alone on the dance floor. Some random dick came up behind her and tried to impress her with his dance moves, which consisted of rubbing his pelvis on her backside with his hands holding her hips. She totally ignored him. It was priceless.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her and when she lifted her hair to place her cool beer on her sweating neck I thought I would cum in my jeans right there. It was then she opened her eyes and looked at me.

"_Shit."_ It was the new girl. I moved back into the shadows and hoped she didn't notice me staring at her. She made her way slowly to my side of the room and continued staring in my direction. I wasn't sure if she could see me or not, but I felt like an electrical current was running straight from me to her. Her body continued to move to the beat of the music and I felt like she was my private dancer, every sway and gyration was meant just for me.

A large man walked up and pulled her towards him. I leaned forward ready to rescue her but she laughed and appeared to know the man. I looked closer to see it was Emmett McCarty, without his uniform on.

I stepped away from the wall and finished my drink. She looked past the large man holding her and right at me. I stopped, frozen to where I was standing. I wanted to motion for her to come over, but she didn't make a move towards me and I wasn't about to try to pick up on a coworker. I decided to catch up with Jasper another time and hit the door.

"Edward," someone yelled. "There you are."

"Hey, Jasper, I wasn't sure you were here."

"Yeah, I came with Alice and Bella."

Bella… that was the name of the new girl; how could I forget a name that meant beauty?

"Would you like to join us?" Jasper asked.

I reached in my pocket for the CD. "Naw, I really have to be going, but thanks for working on this for me."

Jasper looked at me for a second, probably trying to judge my degree of sobriety. "I'm fine Jasper. I've only had one drink all evening."

He smiled lightly and promised to have Alice bring me the additions I was asking for. I headed out into the night and felt lonelier than I had ever felt in my life.

**2**

**Hook Up**

**Bella**

I was not happy about working on Saturday! It wasn't even my fault I had to be stuck inside this awful building when it was so sunny outside. I had my work ready for the big conference next week. It was others who were dragging their feet.

I just finished the last portfolio and threw it on top of the stack in the work room. I was outta here!

The sound of a door closing somewhere down the corridor caught my attention. I looked up and down the hallway and noticed light coming from under one of the doors.

"_Edward…Cullen_."

He was tall, lean, and gorgeous, with long legs, and a great ass. He was a man of few words and sexy as hell.

"_Maybe today wasn't a total loss."_

I opened his office door and stepped inside, closing the door behind me.

He looked up and pushed away from his computer, turning his chair to face me. "Bella," he nodded. Then looked slightly confused and tilted his head to one side.

"There's the boy," I laughed.

I had a theory. Every man had an inner boy. The only thing that differed was to what degree the boy ruled the man. Here he was, in his own office, looking at me like I needed to explain something to him.

"Wha…."

My boy comment had confused him further and I really didn't feel like explaining my whole "men are really boys" philosophy.

I interrupted his question by placing my foot on the edge of the chair between his legs.

He stared at my shoe like it was the most fascinating thing ever.

Men loved stiletto heels. They thought it meant women wanted sex but I wore them to even out the playing field. The glass ceiling didn't seem so high when I was eye to eye with the men in the office. It also made them less comfortable staring at my tits.

_But who am I kidding; stiletto's make my ass look great!_

When his eyes finally broke away from my shoe and up to my face I gave the chair a hard kick sending it reeling back against the wall behind him.

I placed my hands on his knees and lowered myself between his legs. He still looked confused, so I bent over, staring directly into his eyes and breathed hot air over his crotch. Not that I was trying to tell him he was going to get a dry blow job. I just wanted him thinking in the right general direction.

His jeans instantly became tight.

"And there's the man," I teased. Again his head tilted to the side in confusion.

I reached for the buttons at the bottom of his shirt. Most men couldn't pull off yellow, but Edward rocked it! His tan skin was the perfect compliment against the yellow cotton.

After unbuttoning the bottom three buttons I pushed the shirt tails to either side exposing the zipper on his jeans. I was careful with the zipper in case he was going commando.

_Boxers, huh, didn't expect that_. His ass always looked so tight in pants I assumed he wore briefs.

I reached into the opening of the boxers and pulled out his cock. He was glorious. I don't understand how men can be so cavalier about their bodies. _If I had a dick of my own I would never leave the house_. I smiled up at him but his head was leaning back against the wall and his eyes were shut.

I had meant to tease him and maybe make him beg a little, but I lost control just looking at his cock twitching in my hand in anticipation. I immediately took him completely into my mouth, right down to where my lips met his boxers.

"_Shit, lipstick." _I had just applied a fresh coat thinking I would be leaving. It would be rude to pull back and wipe off my mouth. I would just have to let him deal with it later.

He moaned loudly as I took him deeper into my throat. Thanks to a severe bout with bulimia in high school, I had almost no gag reflex. And who said nothing good comes from eating disorders?

His hips automatically thrust up as I flattened my tongue against the back side of his cock and began a sucking motion. His hand went instantly to my hair.

_Oh no you don't. _ This was not going to be some pseudo hand job passed off as a blow job. This was going to be a top of the line suck job.

I wrapped one arm around the back of his waist and held him tightly. My other arm knocked his hand away from my head and then moved up to his chest where I splayed my fingers wide and locked my elbow, pinning him to the back of the chair. Then I opened my throat wide and pushed down further until he was halfway down my throat.

"Oh….fuck….." He yelled.

I kept him pinned and sucked long and hard, my tongue messaging his cock and using my throat to tighten and release around his head.

"Shit…I …oh god…."

His body strained to move instinctively. I kept him tight against me, arousing him just that much more. My own moaning added vibrations up and down his pulsating member.

I felt him push on my shoulder cautioning me his was close. _What amateurs were giving him head? _This man deserved so much better.

I ignored his warnings and pulled back just slightly so I could impale him further into my mouth. That pushed him over the edge as he exploded in my throat. His entire body went into convulsions and his breath was coming in heaving spasms. I hung onto him, continuing to suck while he rode out his orgasm.

He finally went limp into the chair, no longer fighting my hold on him. I pulled my arms from around his waist and off of his chest and backed my mouth off of him. I gently returned his spent organ to his boxers and zipped up his pants.

Using his knees again, I lifted myself off of the floor and bent over to gently kiss the soft flesh below his belly button. _God, I love that spot_. Then I turned to leave.

"Hey," he called. I turned smugly to look at him.

"Isn't there something I can do for you?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, "And the boy is back," I said with a laugh, then turned and walked out.

I was a little nervous about crossing my very defined lines on who I would or wouldn't hook up with. Coworkers were a definite no, but Edward intrigued me. He didn't really fit in with anyone here at the office and as far as I could tell nobody showed any particular interest in him…aside from commenting on his gorgeous looks.

After this afternoon I was certain it would not be the last time I hooked up with Edward Cullen.

**Edward**

I had been working on Saturdays for a few months now. The place was quiet and I didn't feel guilty having a drink while I worked. I was shocked to hear my door open and thankful as hell I didn't have the bottle out of my drawer.

"Bella," I said as I moved away from the desk. I was surprised to see her, but more shocked to see her in my office. Besides the night at the Grunge we never even made eye contact.

She said something about a little boy. I wasn't sure if she was talking about an account or not. Right when I began asking her why she was in on Saturday, and in my office, she placed her foot on my chair and pushed it against the wall.

Before I could think straight she had her hands on my knees and was kneeling in front of me. I must be dreaming, or maybe I had already finished off a bottle and this was a drunken hallucination.

She leaned over and blew her breath over my jeans. The sweet scent of her breath mixed with the heat of the air she blew made me instantly hard. I looked on as she began unbuttoning my shirt. I was totally convinced this was a drunken dream. Who comes into work and gets a blow job from a new colleague? I had to admit this was better than the blackouts I usually had. _I really hope I don't forget this dream_.

When she put me in her mouth I felt the wet heat and grabbed onto the chair in a desperate attempt to stay conscience. It was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt. I put my hand in her hair, not to move her along but to see if it felt real. Her hair was soft and silky and she reached up and pushed my hand away.

I felt like I was having some wild reaction to tequila. I tried to stay away from that stuff and actually could not remember having a drink at all today. I also knew it wouldn't be the first time I drank and couldn't remember.

I was gone….totally lost in what I was feeling. I had no control over my thoughts, or my voice, or my body. I knew I was close and I only prayed she was not going to pull away. But I had to warn her. The last thing I needed was Bella spreading around the office how I came all over her face.

I tapped her shoulder lightly but she ignored me and pulled me deeper into her throat. I lost it. I only vaguely recall screaming out in my release as she continued sucking on me. Time stopped as I struggled to regain my composure. I fell limp into my chair as she rose to her feet.

When she leaned over to kiss my stomach I wanted to pull her into my arms and thank her over and over again. I wanted to throw everything off my desk and ravish her right there. I mostly wanted to beg her to be real and not a drunken illusion.

I finally found my voice and asked her if there was anything I could do for her. My ears were ringing and I didn't even hear her reply. I only saw her condescending smile as she left the office. The bitch!

I reached for the lower drawer to pull out my bottle.

**3**

**Conference**

**Edward**

It was torture…sitting in this hot room listening to every management prick prattle on about company goals. The clock would not move… it sat there, taunting me. I felt anxious and sitting still was uncomfortable.

When we finally broke for a two hour lunch break I decided to go for a run. I had to get some fresh air and get rid of this pent up energy.

I walked quickly to the bank of elevators; one advantage to having long legs. I entered the first open door, not even bothering to see if it was going up or down. I hit the number 6 and turned around.

_Shit._ A large group of women were headed towards me. There wasn't enough time for the doors to close and make my get-away, so I hit the "open" button on the panel.

"Hello Ladies." I tried not to show my irritation. "What floor do you need?"

"Hi Edward," they answered in unison, and began calling out different numbers. One voice caught my attention and not just because she called out 416, her room number instead of just the floor.

"Bella, the elevator doesn't take you to your room," the robust secretary laughed.

"Sorry," she said looking directly at me. When the other women turned to stare forward, as is customary in an elevator, she winked at me.

_The day was suddenly getting interesting. _

I made my way to my room and took off my suit coat and tie. I pulled my shirt out from my pants and then stopped. Maybe running wasn't what I needed. I grabbed my keys, and walking past the elevators, I headed for the stairs.

412…414….416. I quietly knocked.

She opened the door and stepped back for me to enter. She was wearing a terry cloth hotel robe and had a hair clip between her teeth. One hand was holding her hair up and the other took the hair clip and fastened it behind her head.

"I was just jumping in the shower," she announced.

I reached out and took hold of the tie around her waist and pulled it gently to undo the bow.

"Want some company?" I asked.

She smiled and nodded toward a chair, "You can hang your clothes on the chair." Then she turned to walk into the bathroom.

I quickly threw out my hand and caught the back of her robe holding her in place. I pulled the hair clip out of her hair and dropped it to the floor, then whispered into her ear, "I think _all_ of you will be getting wet."

Her breath hitched and she pulled away without retrieving the clip.

I hung my pants and shirt carefully over the chair and then placed my shoes, socks and boxers underneath.

When I opened the shower door she was rinsing conditioner out of her hair. Her head was tilted back, eyes closed, and running her hand through her hair as the water beat down on her. She was completely shaven, I didn't think I would like that, but now I couldn't wait to find out. I could get off just watching this.

I grabbed her hips and backed her up roughly into the shower wall. Her eyes flashed in surprise and then closed as I pushed my erect cock against her stomach.

"There's the boy," she murmured.

_What was with this BOY shit? I'll show you boy,_ I thought, as I ducked my head into her neck sucking on her wet skin.

Then it hit me like a bolt of lightning. I was planning on fucking her hard and fast right here in the shower….just like a stupid teenager. But I wasn't a boy. I was a man. And damn it, I could fuck like a man.

I let go of her hips and backed up a little. She moaned and tried to pull me back into her. When she opened her eyes and looked at me I was hoping I didn't have a light bulb over my head. I took her hands and placed them above her head against the wall.

"Don't move these unless I tell you," I demanded.

I reached past her and picked up the body wash, emptying a large amount into the palm of my hand, then began exploring her body. Every place I touched I also kissed. Slowly, methodically, I moved from one part of her body to the next. Amazed at the different sounds she made as I touched different parts of her.

I lingered on her leg gently sucking right below her center. My nose would lightly brush against her shaven lips making her gasp. _Yes, I definitely liked this_!

Her breath was becoming more and more labored. "You're killing me here Edward," she moaned as she began running her hands through her own hair.

I hit the faucet shutting off the water and stepped out of the shower. I grabbed the second hotel robe and put it on my dripping body. Then I turned and held my hand out for hers. She removed her hand from her hair and placed it in mine. I pulled her from the shower and put her robe around her shoulders backing her into my chest. I used a towel to massage her scalp and damp dry her hair.

I dropped the towel onto the floor and brushed her hair to one side so I could softly bite the skin below her ear. _God, I love that spot._

We began walking forward while I still held her to my chest. She leaned her head back onto my shoulder and let me lead her to the bed. I stopped just as her legs touched the mattress and continued to hold her upright against me.

"In the pocket of my robe," she whispered.

I reached in the pocket and felt a condom. _Smart girl_, now I wouldn't have to find the right time to make my way over to the chair and dig through my wallet.

Tossing the condom on the bed I pulled the robe from her shoulders and let it fall to the ground. I took her left hand and placed it on my thigh. "Leave this hand here," I said in a husky voice as she shivered in my arms.

I placed my right hand on top of hers and began moving it slowly down her stomach. Her fingers were so slender and small compared to mine. I could still feel her skin with my fingers even though hers were right under mine.

As we got closer to her center I tapped her leg with my foot. "Spread for me, love," I asked seductively.

"Oh…god….." she moaned as she took a step to the side.

I continued pushing her hand down with mine and as we made contact with her clit she yelled out arching her back against me.

"So fucking good," I whispered into her ear. "You're so wet for me," I moaned as I slid our fingers up and down.

On the next pass I pushed with my middle finger taking both of our fingers into her.

"Fuck….Edward," she cried.

I began moving my thumb over her clit as she moved her hips to the rhythm of my fingers. I used my index and little fingers to hold her hand tight as I pumped our fingers in and out of her.

I felt her knees begin to give out as her body reached its limit. I pushed them against the edge of the mattress with my own legs to steady her and tightened my grip around her waist. I felt the walls of her clamp down and a new surge of wetness all around us.

She collapsed in my arms and tried to slow her breathing as I pulled her fingers up to my mouth and began sucking on them. I sucked and licked like a starving man eating the sweetest nectar in the world.

Her head turned against my chest as she watched me clean her fingers.

I was not finished yet with my whole "fuck like a man" plan, so I pushed her forward until she was straddled on the edge of the mattress, her wonderful ass right in front of me. She knowingly arched her back allowing me perfect access.

I had the condom on in two seconds flat. _Okay, slow down,_ I had to remind myself. I placed both hands on her hips and slowly entered her.

She moaned loudly and I had to hold myself still for a moment. The feeling was so intense and my mind wanted to be lost in the hot, tight, wet sensations surrounding me. A smile slowly spread across my face as I gained control.

I began moving her hips forward very slowly and then back against me. I kept up the slow pace until I felt her fighting me for control. "Faster…..harder….." she begged.

I didn't pick up speed, but I did oblige with the "harder" plea, slowly moving her further forward and then pulling her toward me as I thrust hard into her.

"God…yes!" she screamed.

I was moaning and grunting as I continued slowly pounding into her when she suddenly dropped her forehead onto the bed. Her body tensed and I finally picked up the speed.

Together we cried out and I had to place my hands on the bed to keep from collapsing myself. She fell onto her side, and I instantly regretting letting go of her hips. Both of us were gasping for air.

I had to will my legs to move as I headed for the bathroom to dispose of the condom. I caught my reflection in the mirror. I had to restrain myself from pumping a fist in the air yelling, "You're the Man!"…..but that's what a boy would do.

Just when I was about the return to the other room something dawned on me. I couldn't just walk out like she did because I was bare ass naked. Would she expect me to stay? What excuse should I use?

_Shit, shit, shit._

I couldn't just stand there, so I decided to play it by ear.

I walked over to the chair where my clothes hung and finally looked up. She was sitting in the middle of the bed, her robe back on and grinning from ear to ear.

I couldn't help but grin back at her.

She jumped off the bed and grabbed a brush and makeup bag off the dresser. "See ya," she smiled as she walked right past me.

_Thank God!_

I dressed in record time as I heard the blow dryer humming in the other room.

The bathroom door was opened about a foot, so as I reached for the exit I glanced over at her. She turned to look at me, still wearing that grin, and turned off the blow dryer.

"What?" she asked as I stared at her.

"What's the smart ass smile about?" I inquired.

"I can't help it. I've finally been fucked properly. I'm…..happy." She shrugged her shoulders and the huge grin returned.

I rolled my eyes and said, "You're such a little girl," and walked out the door, wearing my own smart ass smile.

**Bella**

I wanted to scream from the highest rooftop. I wanted to call every man I had ever had sex with and tell him what a loser he had been. How was I going to sit through the remainder of the conference with any semblance of concentration?

My entire body was tingling when I walked back into the large room. "How was lunch?" Eric asked.

"Good," I smiled. I noticed Edward look in my direction. "Great, actually," I clarified.

"Did you try the grille across the street?" Eric seemed way too interested in my lunch menu.

"No, I just had something sent to my room, best I ever had," I smiled.

Edward smiled too as he headed back to his seat. We were acting like school kids experiencing our first love. I couldn't keep my eyes away from him and he kept winking and smiling at me. Of course, this wasn't love…..but it was something I wanted to make sure I kept while I was here. Edward would definitely be my sex buddy.

We went on like this for almost nine months. We didn't talk much and that suited me just fine. We had sex….often, in cars, in parking lots, in stairwells and in each others offices. I did notice how Edward's breath always smelled of alcohol. It wasn't the reason I never kissed him, as long as the alcohol didn't interfere with his performance I didn't care if he spent twenty four hours a day drunk.


	2. Chapter 4 thru 6

**4**

**Explode**

**Edward**

I watched her open the apartment door and head down the hallway. I didn't bother looking around and was only vaguely aware I had never been in her apartment before. We didn't feel the need to turn on any lights. The sun was just starting to set and the darkness was calming.

I followed her to the bedroom, as she walked to the side of her bed I purposely went to the other side. We just stood there looking at each other. This wasn't sex, or lust, or want, this was just…existing.

I noticed the bed was pink; pink pillows, pink comforter, pink sheets, all pink. It didn't fit. Pink was the color of a little girl, someone soft and innocent. Bella didn't fit pink.

We were covered in soot, ash and smoke, dirty and wet, our faces swollen from tears. I didn't care. I didn't care that the bed was too pink for our filthy bodies. There was no place else we could be at this moment. No place where we wouldn't have to talk about it or be alone. Both of those options were impossible right now.

She began unbuttoning her shirt so I followed suit. We disposed of our clothing and climbed into the bed. She turned onto her side and stared at me. I did the same.

We just stared. Feeling numb.

"You're leaving," I finally stated. Not really a question.

I began softly running my fingers along the top curves of her breasts. My blackened fingers looked harsh against her skin and the contrast mesmerized me. I wasn't planning on talking her into staying. I honestly didn't care if she left. I was just stating a fact.

"Probably," she answered. "I have no obligations keeping me here."

"Every obligation I have will keep me here," I sighed.

I didn't want to start thinking about what those obligations were. They would have definitely kept me literally from _here…_here in her bed. None of those obligations would remotely understand why this was exactly where I had to be.

"I don't know which is worse," she smiled. "Running away or having to stay?

Her smile immediately turned serious.

"You're a good man, Edward. I know you don't need to know that right now, but I wanted you to hear me say it." She reached a hand toward my cheek but stopped in mid air and pulled her hand back.

I fucking didn't need to hear it, not now, not here, not ever. The word _good_ has no meaning to me. Good people died, good families torn apart, I couldn't wrap my mind around words like good or bad.

I reached over and ran my finger along the bottom of her lip. It was soft, that was _good_, that I could understand.

"We've never kissed," I observed.

"Of course not," she laughed. "That is just too intimate!"

"Bella, you've had my dick in your mouth for god sakes. And we are naked in your bed right now!"

"That is different. Sex is primal, instinctual; you don't have to put much thought into it. But kissing is thoughtful and purposeful. Kisses say something and have meaning," she philosophized.

"And this?" I nodded to the bed.

"This is the best fuck you _never_ had!"

I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. She did the same. Sex was something I could talk about without pain. Only talk.

"What would have happened?" I mused.

"Well, let me see, "she contemplated. "I would have climbed on top of you, with my pussy in your face, and sucked you dry."

"That almost made me hard," I sighed.

"And I almost believe you," she sighed in return.

**Bella**

I never felt this type of exhaustion before. I was beyond being tired. I was numb and empty, something I couldn't explain. I just knew I didn't want to be alone. Edward was lying next to me staring at the ceiling so I turned towards him to watch him stare.

I knew he was going to feel guilty….once he started feeling anything. We just lived through the most horrific event of our lives and naturally, we were going to feel guilty we survived, angry that others were not strong enough to survive with us, and then hopefully grateful we were strong enough. Some really heavy shit was waiting to be dealt with.

"I'm afraid to sleep." I whispered, so karma, fate, whatever made the world turn the way it did couldn't hear me.

Edward turned to face me again. I stared into his eyes finding the courage to continue.

"I am afraid my mind will show me things I haven't registered yet. I don't want to know any more…." I couldn't finish.

I picked up a piece of my hair that had fallen across my neck and smelled it. My psyche wanted to acknowledge the smoke but Edward reached over and pushed my hand away.

"Don't," he whispered. "Just….don't."

I placed my hand back on the pillow and continued to stare at him.

"When I was sixteen," he started, moving closer to me and speaking in barely a whisper, "I took a girl to a movie, on my way home I ran over a dog. I never even saw it, only heard the thump as my tire went over its body." He stopped abruptly and his eyes turned sad. "I've never told that to anyone."

I remembered seeing the pictures of dogs in his office and it clicked. He was one of _those_ guys. Man's best friend and all that shit. It fit. I could picture him taking long runs with his dog. Hell, he probably only confided in his dog. And now, sadly, all those pictures were burned to ash.

I bit my lower lip for a moment and stared directly into his eyes. I could confess something too, something that would relieve my overburdened conscience and make room for today's events. 

Speaking slowly I began. "My grandmother lived with us when I was little. If I was ever alone in the house and heard her call for me I would run outside and hide. I couldn't bear to see her shriveled body lying there so useless. I was afraid I would catch _it._ Whatever _it_ was."

"You didn't…" He covered his mouth to stifle a yawn.

"Didn't what?" I asked.

"Didn't catch…_it_."

"And you didn't mean to run over the dog," was all I could say. I wanted to add how he had tried his best to save as many people as possible today, but I just couldn't make myself go there.

He blinked a couple of times and I had to mentally threaten myself to keep my tears from forming. Then I realized there were no more tears left. I had already used them all.

My eyes were becoming heavy and I let them shut for a moment. When I opened them Edward's eyes were closed. He looked so peaceful. I was tempted to reach out and touch his face. Gently feel the contours of his cheek and run my fingers over his closed lids. I couldn't, so I just watched him breath in and out.

After a couple of minutes his mouth twitched as he felt my eyes on him.

"So this is the best fuck I never had, huh?" he asked, the edges of his mouth turning up but not quite forming a smile.

"Yeah, I almost feel sorry for you."

With that he opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow.

"You will spend your entire life trying to find something that even remotely compares, but you won't of course." I smiled at him.

"In that case," he said, as he moved his lips lightly over mine. "Thank you."

I froze. I couldn't really say it was a kiss. It was more like touching. His lips touching my lips. It felt safe, and wonderful and real. In the midst of everything surreal, he was real.

He was right here where I needed him to be; needed him in a way that was foreign to me. I could touch him and he probably needed me to touch him, just as I needed him to touch me.

I moved lower into the bed and snuggled up to his chest, snaking my arms loosely around him. I could hear his heart steadily beating against my ear. He let his arm drape over my waist and began rubbing small circles on my back. His chin rested on the top of my head and he let out a soft sigh causing me to tighten my arms around him.

Then something miraculous happened.

We slept.

**5**

**Morning After **

**Edward **

I awoke to the smell of coffee, my senses no longer keeping me blissfully unaware of the soot and smoke clinging to my body. I grunted while sitting up in the bed.

_Damn I feel old_, I thought. The aches were due to the over exertion of all my muscles from the previous days events.

Bella was gone but a clean towel was lying on the bed stand next to me. I made my way grimacing to the bathroom. The hot shower was soothing and I scrubbed my skin until it was almost sore. The outward physical evidence of yesterday made its way slowly down the drain; the inner shit would take years to wash away.

After I finished drying off I realized I had nothing clean to put on. I wrapped the towel around my waist and opened the door. Bella was standing next to the bed. She was dressed in shorts and a tank top. She looked so small. Gone were the expensive suites and high heels. I realized for the first time those were her props. She was not a tough-as-nails girl; she was playing the game…..just like the rest of us.

"Hi," she smiled.

"Hi, um….I don't have any clean clothes," I confessed. I was rubbing my neck and starring at the floor, I felt vulnerable and uncomfortable.

She didn't answer until I looked up. She smiled softly. "I can wash your clothes if you are willing to wear a towel for awhile."

I finally remembered I had a gym bag in my truck. "I have some clothes in my gym bag if you don't mind running out to my truck to get it for me?"

"Hum…so, if I refuse you have to stay in that towel? Gotta, give me more incentive here, Edward!"

"I'll fix you breakfast," I offered. "Unless you want to change into a towel and join me?" My attempt at seduction even surprised me.

"You drive a hard bargain, but I just happen to be starving, so give me your keys." She held out her hand and waited for me to dig my keys out of my dirty dress pants.

She returned quickly and tossed a black bag to me. I changed into a pair of grey sweat pants and a black t-shirt. I gathered up my smoky clothes, underwear and all and set them outside the garage door. I didn't want them washed. I was just going to throw them away. I don't think I could ever stand to wear them again.

When I walked into the kitchen she was sitting at a bar stool with her elbows on the counter resting her chin in her hands.

"Proceed," she commanded.

"Where can I find the cereal bowls?" I asked trying to sound serious.

"No way Cullen, pancakes or nothing!"

I knew the word "nothing" meant clothes.

I raised my hands in defeat and she nodded to the cabinet over my shoulder. As I began making the pancakes she stripped the bed of the dirty sheets and began washing the nightmare away. I poured myself a cup of coffee and set the first stack of finished pancakes on the bar where she had been sitting.

She returned and smiled. "Wow, you are fast!"

I winked and handed her a fork.

"I have a surprise," she announced as she opened the refrigerator.

"Ta da." She pulled out a can of whipped cream.

"You are an angel!" I teased.

**Bella **

We ate most of the pancakes, stuffing ourselves. I leaned back and rubbed my stomach.

"Edward that was great, it really hit the spot."

He wiggled his eyebrows at me without speaking, always choosing to use as few words as possible. I opened my mouth to say something when the doorbell rang.

Edward and I both sat frozen to our chairs. I stared into his eyes showing my hesitation until he finally rose and headed for the door. I was still holding my breath when I heard the door open.

"We're looking for Bella Swan," a male voice spoke.

I heard Edward moan, "I'm Edward Cullen and I am sure you are looking for me,

too. Come in and have a seat."

"Bella," he called.

I made my way to the living room. I could feel my legs shaking and as I rounded the corner I saw two police officers sitting on my sofa. Edward was in the wing chair to their right and I sat in the chair to their left. From my chair I could look directly at Edward. I couldn't look anywhere else; his eyes were where I was pulling my courage. He seemed so relaxed and it calmed me.

"Ms. Swan," the larger man started, "I hate to impose but we have tried to reach you by phone."

I finally looked at the officer. "I have my phone turned off," I stated without offering an apology.

"Yes," he responded. "We hate to intrude but we have a few questions for the both of you." He glanced at Edward.

"Does this have to be done right now?" Edward asked. Something in his eyes made me nervous. He seemed to tense a bit. I know yesterday was much worse for him than me, so I offered to go first.

"What do you want to know?" I asked.

The smaller officer took out a note pad and pen. Without looking up he asked, "What made you head to the roof Ms. Swan?"

I felt the panic rise in my chest. "I heard Edward," I whispered.

Both officers turned to Edward. He let out a long sigh and then offered, "I felt the explosion come from underneath us. I knew the smoke would rise and I wasn't sure of the conditions on the lower floors. I began yelling for everyone to head to the roof. I made a mistake and it cost people their lives."

I shook my head vehemently but couldn't find the right words.

"Mr. Cullen," the large officer spoke softly. "Not one person who headed down the stairs survived. Thirty-eight people are alive because you told them to head to the roof."

Edward didn't respond and just stared at me. I knew what was playing over and over in his head. It was not the ones that survived, it was the ones that died. Those who were not fit enough to make the jump to the other building; those who were too afraid to jump and those he couldn't convince to jump.

"Did you know anyone on the second floor?" one of the officers asked.

"What?" We both asked.

"The second floor; it was recently leased to a new business. Did you know anyone from that floor?"

I tried to think back but couldn't remember noticing anyone new. I usually took the stairs up to our 7th floor office. I had to admit I usually only noticed people if they caught my eye for some reason, like a really hot man or a very stylish woman. I looked at Edward, but he was just shaking his head.

"Is that where the explosion came from?" I asked.

"We think it was specifically meant for that particular business. But that is still under investigation."

"So they meant to murder all those people; an entire building full of innocent people?" I was mortified.

Edward remained silent but I could see his hands were pulled into tight fists and his knuckles were turning white. He continued staring at the carpet.

"Can I ask you about your plans?" the large officer asked us both. "I mean, if there turns out to be a trial we will need to be able to reach you."

I took a long slow breath and then announced, "I plan to move to the San Diego office." Edward's head instantly snapped up. "I know they have an opening and I think I want to get away from here."

Everyone turned to Edward now. The smaller officer spoke first. "I assume with your wife in an assisted care facility you plan on staying in the area?"

I tried not to let my expression change. I was screaming on the inside. Edward cleared his throat and spoke, "Yeah, um right. I also have a son in the area so I won't be leaving here." He finally met my eyes. The tension in the room was palpable.

"Ms. Swan, do you have family in San Diego?" the officer asked.

I smiled softly and answered while still looking at Edward. "No, I was raised by my mother and she died several years ago. I never knew my father." I noticed Edwards eyes soften a bit and it pissed me off. I turned to the two officers and continued. "You see, I am completely free to make decisions for myself. I don't have any attachments here, so San Diego sounds like as good a place as any."

Edward continued to stare but I wouldn't look at him.

The officers handed us both a card and said they would be back in touch. Edward walked them to the door…my door….and then returned to the living room, standing in the doorway.

We were both silent until I finally looked at him. His eyes looked so sad, like he was racked with guilt. I raised my hand as if to stop him from speaking.

"Don't," I mumbled.

He raised one eyebrow.

"Don't," I spoke louder. "Don't you dare apologize to me and don't you dare expect me to apologize to you." I was furious now and stood with my hand still out in front of me.

"I am not looking for a savior, or even a boyfriend and I sure as hell don't need a daddy. I am not your mistress or trying to take you away from your family. I like sex. I like sex with you. Period! So wipe that pity off your face or fuck you!"

His eyes instantly relaxed and a smile slowly spread across his face. He started walking backwards out of the room and used one finger to motion for me to come to him.

I felt…..relief. We weren't going to have some deep conversation. We were going to retreat back to the place where we could exist together, where our only concern was for our own gratification. We were selfish. And that emotion I understood. That emotion was where I felt safe.

I followed, matching him step for step. When he reached the kitchen he held up a finger for me to wait. He quickly walked to the counter and picked up the can of whipped cream.

"Ta da." He used my same line.

I ran and jumped into his arms with my legs wrapped around his waist. "You are a devil!" I laughed.

6

**Counseling**

**Bella**

I sat in the waiting room of Dr. Carla Smithson. My crossed leg was bouncing furiously as I waited for my appointed time. The corporation was requiring each surviving employee to go through a psychological evaluation and then six months of counseling. My initial visit would be in Seattle, but the remaining sessions would be done in San Diego.

Alice assured me the primary meeting was very light and preliminary. Jasper came along with her and he was allowed to stay by her side the entire time.

I was stunned when Edward walked through the door. He looked shocked to see me as well.

"Hi," we both mumbled as he came to sit next to me.

"I guess we get to tag team the doctor." I tried to joke. I was suddenly terrified at the thought of sitting in that office with Edward next to me.

Edward just rolled his eyes and draped his arm over the back of my chair. It was oddly comforting. After a couple of minutes a woman called out both of our names and led us into the back office. We sat on a leather sofa and I found myself wishing Edward would place his arm behind me again.

Dr. Smithson walked in and shook both our hands. She was small, with a very pinched face. She looked to be in her fifties and wore her hair in a very severe bun on the back of her head.

"Let me start by saying I am very sorry for the circumstances which bring you here. I understand it was probably the most difficult for the two of you."

I couldn't help the appalled chuckled that escaped my throat. I was pretty sure it was much more difficult for those who were blown to pieces or burned to death. Edward just leaned forward on the couch placing his elbows on his knees.

Dr. Smithson smiled and then looked directly at me. "Bella, tell me about yourself."

Why did I feel so exposed? It was a simple question but I somehow felt there was no correct answer. I decided to be a brief as possible.

"I moved here ten months ago from the Chicago office. I am transferring to San Diego next week."

The silence was so loud. She didn't respond and I didn't offer anything else. Edward dropped his head apparently uncomfortable with the power struggle between two women going on right in front of him.

"Where are you originally from?" Dr. Smithson finally asked.

"That's hard to answer," I responded. "I moved a lot as a child. I was born in Arizona."

"What made you move so often?" she pressed.

"I had a very adventurous mother."

"Had?" she asked.

"She died," was all I offered.

"What about your father?"

_Shit! _She found my Achilles heel.

I looked at my hands. "Um….I don't have a father. I mean my mother was impregnated by a man and his name is on my birth certificate, but he isn't even aware of my existence." I didn't add that I knew he was from the state of Washington.

"Did you ever have a desire to search him out?"

"Never," I said emphatically.

The room became silent again. Edward began messaging his temples wishing he could somehow disappear from this room.

Dr. Smithson turned her attention to Edward. I felt like I had betrayed him. I should have kept talking and spared him this pain. I didn't know why I felt protective of him. He was older than me. He was the one who took charge that day and saved so many people. For some reason I wanted to save him today.

"Edward, what about you?"

He winced and then looked up at her. "Yea, I was born here, went to school here, and worked here."

"Family?" she asked while looking at the folder in her hand.

He exhaled loudly and a look of defeat crossed his face.

"My wife got pregnant our senior year in high school. We got married as soon as we graduated. It was a mistake. I got an education while she got bitter. She developed Multiple Sclerosis about 10 years ago. When I couldn't take care of her anymore I moved her to a nursing home. I had to keep working to keep the insurance. My son is now the one who is bitter. I haven't spoken to him in two years."

_Holy shit!_

Dr. Smithson held the folder and then motioned to the both of us. "Now tell me about this."

"What do you mean?" I demanded.

She looked me right in the eye and said, "Are you two intimate?"

My mouth fell open. I was suddenly very interested in what was in those folders. Edward sat up straight now and answered, "Yes, and I won't apologize for that."

I stared at him incredulously.

"How do you feel about her leaving?" she asked.

"I hate it. It doesn't surprise me because it is what she does, and I won't ask her to stay," he simply stated.

"Excuse me, but I am right here. Don't talk about me like I am not in the room."

He turned to look at me and smiled. Dr. Smithson began biting on her pen. After a few moments she looked at me and asked, "Does that make you rethink your plans when you hear him say he wants you to stay?"

"Absolutely not," I quickly answered. "We are not a couple if that's what you think. We aren't dating or in a relationship. Edward?" I was imploring him to step in and help me explain.

He scooted closer to me and looked directly into my eyes. "If I asked you out on a date would you go?"

I immediately looked at Dr. Smithson. My heart was racing and I felt like a trapped animal.

"What in the hell are you talking about?" I heard a panicked laugh come from me and it sounded so desperate. I couldn't will myself to calm down.

"A date, Bella. Dinner. A movie. Talking. No sex." His jaw tensed as he spoke.

When Dr. Smithson leaned closer, as if she too was waiting for an answer I snapped. I rose and glared down at Edward.

"Aren't you forgetting somebody in this little scenario…like _Mrs. Cullen_?"

My voice was now loud and strong, laced in venom. Edward looked horrified and dropped his head. I headed for the door and turned back to speak to him as I turned the knob.

"If you ever need your dick sucked be sure and give me a call, but the next time you are looking for some emotional bonding try visiting _your wife_!"

I was shaking as I ran to my car. I was so mad at myself for getting into this situation to begin with. Who did he think he was? He was married and somehow made me out to be the bad guy. I had men try to lure me into relationships with gifts or flowers but not once had one simply wanted me to go on a date with him. I raced as fast as I could out of the parking lot. I was suddenly very anxious to start my life in San Diego.

**Edward**

I was shocked to see Bella in the waiting room of Dr. Smithson's office. Jasper told me he went with Alice but I figured their appointment was together because they were a couple. I don't think Bella and I constituted a couple in anyone's definition.

I sat next to her and put my arm around the back of her chair. I noticed how her eyes darted to my arm. I didn't feel the need to protect her, she was wearing one of her power suits with some really high heels. This was not the pink Bella.

I had on a pair of jeans and a t shirt. I hadn't shaved and my hair was all over the place. I was not trying to be, Edward, team manager today. I wasn't trying to hide behind my suit because I didn't want my failure that day to be in any way related to my job. I took it personally.

When we made our way into the doctors office I began to feel sick. I had so many secrets in my life and the building exploding was only the top of the pile. I promised myself I would stick to that day only…at least in front of Bella.

Dr. Smithson was good. She immediately got to the bottom of things. I had not intended to bring up my situation but it was easier than bringing up the fact that I couldn't make it a week without my bottle. Bella totally lost her shit. I wasn't sure if I purposely pushed her buttons or not.

Maybe, I wanted to appear to be the healthy one so I pushed her over the edge. Or maybe I just wanted more from our relationship. I wasn't prepared for her to throw my wife into the mix. My hands were twitching, and I desperately needed a drink.

When Bella stormed out of the room I knew I lost her forever. Whatever sick, twisted, relationship we had was over and I would most likely never see her again.

Dr. Smithson looked at me for several minutes and I couldn't hold her gaze. I stared at my shaking hands and said the first thing that came to my mind. "I need help."

She leaned forward and spoke very softly. "Edward, you have been dealing with some really serious issues and trying to take responsibility for an accident is the last thing you need."

I shook my head in agreement and let out a shaky breath. "I…..um….I try…" I finally let out a disgusted laugh. "I was going to say I self medicate, but I'm actually just a drunk."

Dr. Smithson didn't seem surprised at all. She shook her head in understanding and nodded towards the door. "Was Bella, an attempt at self medicating?"

"Bella was an attempt to feel alive. She has more life inside her than anyone I've ever known. I guess I was hoping it was contagious."

"You're not healthy enough for a relationship, and neither is Bella. The two of you together would be a very bad idea," Dr. Smithson said.

I chuckled to myself. "Bella and I were not a relationship. We were only sex. That is the only relationship Bella allows."

"And you want more?"

I sat perfectly still and tried to find the nerve to admit what I had been lying to myself about for the past few months. "I love her," I finally whispered.

Dr. Smithson sat back into her chair with her finger pressed over her lip. She just stared at me as she narrowed her eyes.

"Well, Mr. Cullen, you have a lot of work to do. We will start with removing all the liquor from your home, office, vehicles, anywhere you have it stashed or hidden. Then, I will set you up with AA meetings. You will be required to attend those meetings as part of your therapy."

I felt my chest tighten and fear ran through my body. I knew she was right, but I wasn't sure I was strong enough to do this. Dr. Smithson knew exactly what I was thinking.

"Mr. Cullen, did you honestly feel like some of those people who refused to jump would have been able to make it?"

I winced and then shook my head up and down.

She leaned over and smacked my knees with her folder, "Then jump, Edward, I know you can make it."


	3. Chapter 7 thru 9

**7**

**Healing**

**Edward**

After several visits with Dr. Smithson I was ready to face the truth. I was about to do something that should have been done years ago. I just wasn't in the right frame of mind or sober enough to do it before.

I pulled into the parking lot of the nursing home like I have done so many times. This time my body felt so heavy. I was acutely aware of each step I took down the long hallway to her room. She was sitting in a wheelchair. Her head was hanging down on her chest and drool was slowly dripping down her chin. I grabbed a towel and lifted her head.

"Hello, Tanya." I tried to smile.

After cleaning her face I pushed the wheelchair into the atrium and sat on a bench next to her. I rolled the towel and placed it under her chin so her face was lifted somewhat. I looked deep into her eyes. I was sure she was in there, trapped by this horrible disease and unable to yell at me or slap me or even convey her disappointment in me.

I sighed and began saying the things I should have said years ago. "I have completely failed you Tanya. I made promises to you that I shouldn't have made. We were too young, and too different, and too irresponsible to do the things we did." I waited. I don't know what I was expecting but I still sat silently for awhile.

"But I never stopped taking care of you and that needs to count for something. I didn't cut you loose or push you off onto your parents. I work very hard to make sure you have the best care and I visit you three times a week. Surely I'm not a monster if you can count on me in your time of need?"

I suddenly realized I wasn't speaking to Tanya. I was speaking to myself. I took charge when she got ill. I took charge when the building exploded. But the one person who made me feel alive wouldn't let me take charge. I didn't know how to reach her if she didn't need me. She didn't realize she was broken, just as I didn't realize I was broken. My life was unraveling because as much as I tried there was nothing I could do to save Tanya, just like I couldn't save those people on the roof. I needed Dr. Smithson. I was the one that needed to be saved now.

I reached out and stroked her cheek. "I am sorry this happened to you, dear, but it is not my fault. I was young and I tried to make you happy. I was a good father to Seth and even let him blame me for your illness. I let you poison him with your lies because I felt guilty for the failure of our marriage. I am not angry with you and I am not bitter. I just want you to know I am no longer beating myself up over our situation. If there is any part of you that can understand me I am asking you to let go, too. Let go of your anger and bitterness and the blame. Accept that I am here and didn't leave when it got too hard. And accept that I love Seth as much as you do. I know this conversation is too late and needed to be said long ago but just know it has been said now."

I wheeled her back to her room and opened the window shades to bring in some light. I kissed her on the forehead and left. For the first time in years the guilt did not follow me out the door.

Several months later Tanya died. I would be eternally grateful that I made peace with my conscience before she passed.

I now had to face my son. I didn't know if it would be easier or more difficult facing someone who could speak back. I felt I finally had to tools to confront Seth without getting out of control. My biggest hope was that we could somehow fix our relationship and I could have him back in my life.

I chose a crowded restaurant on purpose. I felt Seth would be more likely to hear me out if he was concerned about making a scene. I was hopeful since he agreed to meet with me in the first place.

I tried to stay out of his way during the planning of Tanya's funeral. I let him make most of the decisions and let him grieve in whatever manner he needed, even if it meant he blamed me. But now I was going to fight to win him back. He was my son and I loved him and missed him.

He walked in with his hat pulled low on his forehead. He pulled it off when he saw me sitting in a booth by the window.

"Dad," he said as he slid into the booth.

"Hi, Seth. You look really good son."

"Yeah, I'm sleeping better now that I am not worried about mom."

It looked like this was going to be harder than I thought. "I think we need to just get everything out on the table."

Seth scowled and looked away from me.

"You can be angry son, but I need to know what you are angry about. I can't address something that is festering inside of you. I can't apologize or explain if I don't know what it is."

"Explain," he roared. "Explain why you never loved mom, or why you felt the need to humiliate her by whoring around the neighborhood. I don't think I want to hear your _explanations_!"

The waitress was heading our way and suddenly turned around and went back to the counter. I looked at Seth. He leaned back against the booth and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I admit I was a horrible husband, and I did cheat on your mom. It was last year and it was with _ONE _woman."

Seth immediately laughed as he waved his hand in the air as if to dismiss what I was saying.

"If you think there is more you need to let me know because I am being totally honest with you. Do you think it is easy to look at my son and admit what a horrible person I have been? I'm done with keeping quiet. You mean too much to me and we need to fix all of this."

"It's too late Dad. I know more than you think. Maybe you should have started being honest about Mrs. Stanley."

I stared blankly at him. "I don't know what you mean, son."

"Yeah right!" he yelled.

"Seth, I honestly don't know what you are talking about. I hardly even know Mrs. Stanley. I collected their mail once when they were out of town, but I can't even tell you her first name."

"Bullshit," he mumbled.

"Okay, you tell me about Mrs. Stanley. What is it you think you know?"

"You didn't have an affair with her when I was in 8th grade because mom was sick and starting to show symptoms?" He leaned in and was staring me right in the eye.

I leaned in to meet his glare. "I absolutely did NOT!"

"Well, mom said you did."

I took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. I didn't want to go into all the lies his mother had told him but this one was too much to let go. "Seth, I don't know what would give your mother that impression. I was never around Mrs. Stanley and I never even looked at her. Maybe it was your mom's medication or maybe it was some misunderstanding, but I can promise you I did not have an affair with Mrs. Stanley."

I never took my eyes away from Seth's. I wanted him to see I was being totally honest with him.

"Did you love mom?"

"As much as an 18 year old boy could." Again, I tried to be honest. "Son, we were kids and our entire relationship was caught up in the new physical feelings we had. We were too young to have a baby. Your mom cried for a week straight wanting to go home to her mother when we moved into our own apartment. I was constantly at the library trying to study and she was missing all the fun stuff her friends were doing. It took a toll. Then she became ill. I promised her I wouldn't leave her. She wanted to spend as much time with you as she could. And I wanted that for you. So, I worked harder to give you both everything you could want, or need, because I knew you would have to say goodbye too soon."

Seth dropped his head into his hands. "Dad you should have told her that, so she didn't feel like you abandoned her!"

"I did son, she knew exactly why I wasn't around. She wanted it that way. I won't go into details because our problems were between us. But Seth she did know, believe me."

He finally looked at me and the tears flowed freely down his cheeks. "Dad, I caught her," he sobbed.

"What?"

"I caught her….with another man. With Mr. Stanley." His hands were clinched in fists. "She told me they found out about you and Mrs. Stanley, so they were trying to get back at you both. She made me hate you, dad."

I reached over and put my hand on top of his fist. "Seth, you have to remember your mother was ill. She was angry and scared. She wasn't going to see any of her dreams fulfilled. If being with Mr. Stanley gave her even one moment to feel like she was someone else, than I can't be angry about that. I just need to know you don't blame _me_ anymore."

We sat in silence for awhile. The waitress finally made her way to our table. I ordered for both of us and then sat back against the booth waiting for Seth to say something.

"Tell me about the woman," he finally whispered. "The one from last year."

"She was a coworker named Bella Swan. It was just a physical relationship, but I fell in love with her. Don't worry; it was not a mutual thing. She did not love me." I noticed Seth's eyes sadden a little.

"I didn't even realize what was happening until the day of the explosion. When I saw the flames coming up all four sides of the building I knew we were going to have to jump to the other roof. Nobody would move until Bella finally made the jump. She looked into my eyes and I could tell she trusted me completely. I never had a woman look at me like that. She made four jumps that day. On the final jump I could tell she was tired, but it was the only way to get others to jump."

My body shuddered at the memory. I took a drink of water and continued.

"Her take off was all wrong and she landed with her legs over the side. I grabbed her and pulled her over. Only then did I realize I never saw the other person land. My eyes had been on Bella the entire time. I couldn't go on if she didn't make it. When I stood on the opposite roof and promised those people I would not leave them, while the flames got closer and closer, it was Bella who led me away when the building collapsed. My body responded to her touch when nobody else could get me to move."

I realized my hands were shaking so I folded them across my chest. Seth still had tears running down his face and he just nodded at me. We didn't talk again until after eating our meal.

"Dad," he started. "I think I want to move home."

My heart went straight to my throat. I was hoping we would leave here today with some sort of truce but I never thought I would get my son back so completely.

"Seth, I love you with all my heart."

I flew to Atlanta to meet with the company President. I knew they were wanting to open the Seattle office back up and I assumed I would be getting a promotion. I wasn't surprised when they offered me Mike Newton's job. I didn't like getting the promotion under these circumstances. Mike did an okay job, but I always felt we could take the office further. I didn't think his death would be the way to do it.

"So, Edward," Mr. Carlisle stated. "Do you have any terms for us?"

"Jasper Hale," I offered quickly. "He is talented and using him on a case by case basis doesn't make sense. We not only need him full time, but we need him out of the market place for other firms."

"What will it cost us to get him?"

"Whatever it is, it will be worth it."

"Doesn't his wife work for the firm?"

"He's not married," I said knowing full well he lived with Alice. "Plus his girlfriend isn't sure she is coming back. She's taking a break for awhile."

I knew in my heart I would welcome Alice back at any time. Her energy was great to have around the office and she had a very creative mind. She was so proactive that I felt she could see the future sometimes. The explosion had upset her more than she originally let on. Jasper had confided in me that she was having nightmares and wanted to start a family instead of returning to work.

"Fine, make it happen," Mr. Carlisle decided. "Anything else?"

"Is Bella Swan still with the Carlisle Corp?" I tried not to show any reaction to my question. If he asked I would just mention her work while she was in Seattle as my reason for asking.

"San Diego, right?" He asked.

"I think, I'm not sure where she ended up," I lied.

"She left about a month ago; not just moved to another office but totally left the company. It shocked the hell out of me but maybe she found a better offer."

I lifted my water glass to my lips and silently cursed it for not being vodka.

I never spoke to Dr. Smithson about Bella outside of the realm of our sexual relationship. We had a lot of discussions about my desire to be with someone who was not completely available and I now understood it was the realization that I wasn't completely available either.

Then we hashed out the whole married too young and wanting to recapture some of my youth concept. Most of our work centered on my sobriety and triggers that would lead me to drink. I was vigilant about making my AA meetings and made sure there wasn't any alcohol in the house. I also spoke to Seth about inheriting my tendencies and he assured me alcohol was never a draw for him. I wished I could be as strong as my son.

**8**

**Father**

**Bella**

I hated San Diego. I hated the constant sun and the traffic. I hated the tourists who clogged the restaurants and beaches. Most of all, I hated the therapy sessions I was required to attend.

They all centered on my father. The person I never gave a single thought about was supposedly the focus of all my life's problems. I tried to explain my mother's philosophy regarding a woman's sexuality being the source of her power. You weren't truly free until you understood and had control of your own body. I didn't need a man to complete me. I needed a man for entertainment, enjoyment, fun. Life was about experiences and new beginnings not about security and stability.

According to mental health professionals mom was wrong. I finally agreed to at least find where my father was living. I didn't make any plans to meet him; just to find him and maybe take a peek at him from a safe distance.

Charlie was the police chief in a small town north of Portland, right on the Washington/Oregon border. I took a leave of absence and drove to Oregon. I didn't have reservations for a motel and wasn't even sure if the small town had one. I could feel the anxiety mounting as I got closer and closer to town.

The sound of a police siren startled me from behind and I finally noticed the car with flashing lights following me.

_Shit,_ _just what I needed_! I pulled off the side of the road and began looking in my purse for my license. The officer approached the car as I unrolled the window and handed him my information without looking at him.

"Bella?" My heart skipped a beat at the sound of my name. I looked up to see Emmett, Rosalie's husband. I jumped out of the car and was instantly met with a huge bear hug that took my breath away.

"Emmett, look at you!" I exclaimed. "Uniform and all!"

He was beaming from ear to ear. "Wow, I can't believe it's you. What are you doing in nowhere U.S.A.?" Before I could even answer he interrupted. "Oh my God, you have to come see Rosie! She would just kill me if I didn't bring you by the house. Please, please say you can come by and visit her."

As if he could sense my hesitation he quickly added, "Bella, you don't know how much it would mean to her if you came by. Since we moved to the sticks she has been really lonely."

"Sure." I finally conceded.

The only thing that could possibly be worse than looking up my non existent father was a day with the wicked witch of Seattle. I followed Emmett into town and stopped at a beautiful old Victorian house. It was obviously in the middle of a renovation, but you could see where they were going with it and it was going to be stunning.

"Stand behind me," Emmett whispered as he removed his gun belt and shoes in the large mudroom off of the kitchen. I removed my shoes as well and tip toed into the house behind his large frame.

"Rosie," he called out quietly.

"Emmett, aren't you supposed to be on duty?" she reprimanded.

"I have a present for you."

"Honey, a quickie while the baby is napping is not a present!"

I couldn't help but laugh and Emmett moved to the side to reveal me standing there. Rosalie screamed and dove at me, wrapping her arms tightly around me acting as if we were long lost sisters. When she finally let go she quickly took my hands and pulled me over to the sofa to sit next to her. She actually had tears in her eyes! Maybe pregnancy really was to blame for her attitude before. This girl was definitely not the woman I knew in Seattle.

"Bella, it is so good to see you. Tell me everything from the moment I quit work. Fill me in on everything." She suddenly looked sullen. "Oh, I don't mean the stuff about the explosion." She rubbed her hand up and down my arm.

Suddenly she squealed again, "Oh my God, a Nicole Miller dress. I miss those." She quickly looked down at my feet. "Emmett," she yelled. "Why would you make her take her shoes off?"

I quickly jumped to his defense. "Oh, I just took them off when I saw Emmett remove his!"

Rose rolled her eyes and laughed, "Silly Bella, Emmett has to remove his dirty old government issued clod hoppers. Designer shoes never have to be removed. I think it is a universal law or something!"

I couldn't help but laugh. I really liked _this _Rosalie. "Tell me about your daughter." I said as I squeezed her hands.

"She is amazing, beautiful, and just perfect," she beamed. "We named her Emma, since I was positive I didn't want anymore children and it would be Emmett's only chance at a namesake. But being a mother is so wonderful I think I want more. The house is big enough for a lot of kids but we are talking about turning the west side of the house into an office. I think I want to take on my own clients. Nothing big or too demanding, just enough to keep my head in the game, ya know?"

"That sounds wonderful," I assured her.

"What are you doing here?" she finally asked.

"Um….I'm looking for someone actually."

"Well Emmett knows the whole town. I am sure he will know who you're looking for."

I glanced at Emmett as he inched closer to me ready to break into information about the person he was sure to know. "His name is Charlie Swan," I said softly.

"Charlie?" he laughed. "Yeah, he's my boss. Why are you looking for Charlie?

I took in a deep breath. "I think he might be my father."

Emmett smacked his forehead with his hand. "Of course, my god you look just like him! I never put the names together. You won't be able to talk to him until tomorrow."

I felt my heart fall into my stomach. "Talk? Oh, I'm not sure I am going to talk to him at all. I just wanted to see him. And right now I don't even think that is a good idea." I could feel the panic rising.

Rose must have noticed it too because she scooted closer to me and put her arm around my shoulder.

"Bella." Emmett spoke softly. "Charlie is an amazing man. You will want to know him, I promise."

"Really," I whispered.

"Really. He is very kind and a fun guy. He is fishing with his buddies and is supposed to be back tomorrow. I'll tell you what; he goes to the diner next to the station every morning to read over reports. He even has his own booth. You can sit there and watch him to see if you want to approach him or not."

That sounded like a great idea and I instantly relaxed.

Rose sent Emmett out for my luggage and showed me to a beautiful guest room with an adjoining bathroom. I changed into some sweats and a tee and made my way back to the kitchen. Rose was sitting with her daughter feeding her banana slices. Emma was gorgeous! She had Emmett's dimples and dark hair with her mothers blue eyes and curls.

"Oh Rosalie, your daughter is beautiful."

"Thank you, we think she is pretty special."

I sat next to them and watched as Rose poured out so much love to this adorable child. She seemed so happy and it struck me again how this version of Rose was not somebody I knew. This was a stranger sitting in front of me, not the sharp business woman who could strike fear with just one look. It amazed me she was so willing to give up her other life. She sacrificed everything for the opportunity to be a mother. To put her daughter's needs in front of her own. I felt a bit of jealousy, not for Rose but for Emma.

"Did you hear Alice and Jasper are trying for a baby?" Rose interrupted my thoughts.

I shook my head.

"Emmett and I saw them when we went to Edward Cullen's wife's funeral."

My head snapped up. "She died?"

"Yeah, it was so sad. I guess she has been sick for a long time. Did you hear he is the new manager of the Seattle office? I really don't think it was because of the…well….you know….he was the only one who really knew his shit in the entire place. I think it was a great choice."

We spent a long evening catching up and I was really happy I ran into them.

The following morning I was so nervous I could not even lift my coffee cup. I sat in a side booth so I could easily see Chief Swan's table. It was still empty and part of me was hoping he didn't show. I could go back to San Diego and tell my counselor I tried to see my father, but true to form he wasn't there. I held an envelope that contained a copy of my birth certificate. I was sure he would want proof if I actually got the nerve to speak to him.

The door opened and the bell rang loudly. My stomach suddenly felt sick. I heard people calling out to Charlie and asking whether the fish were biting. He was stopping at various booths greeting people by name.

"Oh please, please don't stop at my booth," I prayed.

He finally made his way over to sit down. I could only see him from the side. His hair was dark and thick like mine. He was tall and lean with dark weathered skin. He didn't look my way so I couldn't see his face. When the waitress came to his table she blocked my view. I could hear his deep voice but I couldn't see him at all.

My curiosity got the better of me and I rose and headed his way.

I was going to say something clever, but when he raised his head I gasped. It was like looking into a mirror. He had my eyes; or rather I had his eyes. We had the same mouth and he even bit on his lower lip like I did. I dropped the envelope onto his table and turned and ran.

The tires screeched as I tore from the parking lot. I didn't even look for traffic when I pulled onto the road and sped out of town. Soon my tears were making it difficult to drive so I pulled off the road. I couldn't breathe, I opened the car door gasping for air. I finally laid my head on the steering wheel and let the emotions pull me completely under. I was sobbing uncontrollably when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Bella?" I heard a deep voice say softly. "I have been searching for you for so long."

My head instantly popped up. "You knew about me?" I asked.

"I have prayed every single night that God would take care of you and bring you to me."

I jumped from the car right into his arms. He held me tightly and kept stroking my hair and calling me his "baby girl" as I continued to cry. My brain could only form one word over and over…"Daddy."

He led me back to his cruiser and put me in the front seat. He locked up my car and pocketed my keys. We drove in silence a few miles further down the road until he turned down a long driveway. The house was surrounded by pine trees in the front but was open grass in the back making its way down to a small lake. It looked so peaceful and perfect.

He turned and spoke, "I am sure you have some questions for me and I have a couple hundred for you."

"Is this where you live?" Nothing like starting with the obvious.

"Yes, can you talk with me for awhile?"

I shook my head and we both opened our doors. He led me to the front porch and motioned to the two large white rockers. I sat and he pulled his closer and placed his hand over mine.

"You are so beautiful," he said and then his voice broke. I immediately burst into tears again. He patted my hand until I could compose myself.

"How did you know about me?" I finally asked.

He looked surprised by my comment. I could tell he was trying to decide what to say. He finally asked, "How's your mother?"

"She died eight years ago from pancreatic cancer." I realized it sounded callous to just say it like that but he didn't really even know her.

His eyes opened wide. "Why did it take you so long to come to me?"

"I…I…didn't think….I mean, how….my mom never told me about you."

"Oh," he replied. "Do you want to hear about us?"

"I thought it was just a hook up?"

He shook his head and his lips tightened. I knew that look. It was the same one I made when I was trying to control my temper.

"I dated your mother for an entire summer. I even asked her to marry me. I loved your mother."

He patted my hand again when he saw my eyes widen.

"One morning she started vomiting. I wanted her to get a check up. I asked her if she thought she was pregnant but she assured me she wasn't. I finally made her a doctor's appointment but they wouldn't let me off work to go with her. When I got home she had packed up all of her stuff and was gone."

Yep, that sounded just like my mother.

"I called the doctor and pretended like I needed the name of the prenatal vitamins she had been prescribed. When they gave it to me I knew she was expecting. I tried everything to find her. After I graduated and got a decent job I hired a private investigator. He found your grandmother's obituary but it only said she was survived by a daughter and granddaughter. I didn't know she was using my last name. I have to admit she was cleaver."

I inhaled sharply. "We moved a lot….and I mean a lot," I offered.

"What made you come now?" He asked.

"Um….it is a really bizarre serious of events. I worked for The Carlisle Corporation; you know the building that blew up last year?"

He nodded and I felt his hand tighten on mine.

"Well, I was in that building. Obviously, I am okay but the company made me go into counseling. Turns out you were a bigger detriment to my psyche than a building being blown out from under me!" I tried to tease.

He sat back in his chair and rocked for a moment. "I can't even let myself think about the possibility of losing you before I even found you. Did you know that was mafia related?"

"Yeah, we kind of got that feeling. I moved to San Diego though, so I haven't kept up on what is going on."

He stopped rocking. "You live in San Diego? How long are you staying?"

"I haven't really decided," I admitted. "I didn't know if I would have the nerve to speak to you or not."

"You have to take time to get to know your family," he insisted. "Oh, I guess I should tell you about your brother. His name is Jake, He turns 17 next week."

That tidbit brought on another wave of tears. I was suddenly so overwhelmed; I never imagined I would have siblings. My father seemed like such a remote concept I didn't even consider the possibility of a brother or a sister.

He picked up my hand and kissed it. "Bella, you are not alone sweetheart."

I never felt like I was alone until that moment. I never needed anyone and never held onto old friends. New places brought new people and I never looked back. Seeing Rose and Emmett again, finding my father and hearing I had a brother made me realize for the first time that I had been truly alone.

"My wife's name is Sue," he was speaking very softly. "She knew I was looking for you when we married. She will be as excited to see you as I am. Would you mind if I give her a call?"

I wanted to scream, "No!" This was too much emotion for me to handle. I was drowning and even though I knew it was good, I didn't know how to manage it. It was consuming me and I didn't know how to just let go.

"Can you just sit with me for a while longer," I managed to ask.

"Sure baby girl, just sit back and relax. We have all the time in the world."

The rain began lightly falling and I closed my eyes as I rocked. I let the peace spread through me. I tried to identify what I was feeling but all I could come up with was "home." I finally felt like I had come home. This was what the commercials at Christmas were talking about. This is why people longed for stability. This is why Rose gave up her designer clothes.

When I woke up I was covered with a blanket. I couldn't believe I had slept so soundly but the fresh air with the sound of the rain knocked me right out. I was surprised to also see my car in the driveway.

"Dad?" I called out.

He came right out and met me with a huge smile. "You look rested. You were out cold."

"How did my car get here?"

"I had Emmett and another deputy pick it up. I also had him bring your stuff over here. I hope you don't mind but Sue would not forgive me if I let you stay anywhere but here."

He took my hand and brought me into the house. It wasn't elegant like Rose's house but it was homey; thick rugs over wooden floors, overstuffed chairs and sofa with a western motif. I could tell Charlie was a hunter by the heads hanging on the walls.

We walked down a hallway to the spare room. I would have to share a bathroom with Jake but I somehow loved the thought of that. I never had to share in my whole life and it sounded like a fun experience. I am not sure how Jake would feel though.

"Dad, I am so sorry," I suddenly cried out. "You were supposed to work today. I hope I didn't cause you any problems."

He threw his head back in laughter. "Honey, I'm the boss, and besides you are the biggest news in town right now. I'm sure the phone will be ringing off the hook and people I haven't seen in years will be stopping by."

I cringed and really hopped he was joking. At that moment I heard a door open. He took my hand again and said, "I want you to meet Sue."

We walked into the family room right as she entered the kitchen. She was a tall muscular woman with a deep tan and strong features. She looked like she loved the outdoors and would be able to hold her own with a gun or fishing pole. She moved swiftly across the room and pulled me into a big embrace. She just rocked us back and forth never letting up on her hold. "You look exactly like I imagined," she spoke into my ear.

I was trying to let that sink into my brain. People in this world that I didn't even know existed were imagining me, thinking of me, praying for me. I tried not to think of my mother at that moment. I would deal with those feelings later. I decided to just enjoy being with these loving people and figure things out later.

"Come sit with me dear." Sue pulled me to the sofa. "I don't want to bombard you with questions so let's just chat."

I smiled tentatively and suddenly felt a little ashamed of my life. Sue sensed my hesitation so she began. She told me all about meeting Charlie and their life together. She told me about Jake and how she had lost so many babies, so he was their little miracle. She also admitted he was pretty spoiled so I again worried about the bathroom situation.

She ran a "trinket" store in town. It didn't make a lot of money but it gave her something to do. The more she spoke the more I liked her. She was warm and genuine. She didn't seem to want anything from me and it was obvious how much she loved Charlie.

I began to slowly open up. I told her about my job and about all the places I had lived. I knew that would be a sore point for Charlie so I left several cities out. When she asked me about men I felt my face turn red. I admitted there was nobody special and hoped they would think I was shy or inexperienced. _If they only knew! _

They showed me through the house and around the land. The water was a private lake with a dock and several picnic areas around the property. Charlie made me promise to go on a fishing trip with him before I made plans to leave Oregon. I looked forward to the opportunity to be alone with my father. I longed for something I didn't even know I missed.

We decided to grill some fish for dinner and eat on the deck. I was helping Sue in the kitchen when an old red truck pulled into the driveway. I saw Charlie walk out to meet the driver when Sue turned to me with a huge grin. "That's Jake."

I was beyond excited and also terrified. Teenage boys weren't the easiest people to be around and I was really hopping he would be as happy as Charlie and Sue to see me. I wasn't breathing when he finally walked in the door.

He was very tall and muscular for his age. His hair was dark and thick like mine. He had my eyes but his mother's mouth. When he broke into a smile he was absolutely stunning. He had the most perfect teeth I had ever seen.

"Well it's about time!" he laughed.

I exhaled loudly and laughed too. "Nobody bothered to tell me I was missing!"

He walked up and gave me a shy hug. "At least you're a looker"

"You too, I bet the girls are fighting over you."

He stood a little taller and sighed, "Too many girls, too little time!"

"So, you're a ball player?" I motioned to his clothing. He had obviously come from baseball practice.

"Yeah, just like dad."

My smile faded a bit. He knew Charlie in ways I didn't and I felt sad. Jake noticed right away and asked me to come with him. I followed him to a study and he pulled out a photo album. "This is everything you want to know about dad." He walked over to the desk and picked up a garbage can and set it next to me. "You may need this too; some of those styles can make your stomach turn."

I laughed and sat in a chair. I was totally mesmerized and didn't notice Jake had returned from taking a shower and had fresh clothes on. He cleared his throat and I looked up. "Haven't thrown up yet I see."

"You better be nice to me, Jake," I teased. "I have some pretty disturbing news for you."

He looked shocked.

"Guess who you get to share a bathroom with?"

"Mooooommmmmm," he screamed as he ran from the room.

I ran after him laughing hysterically.

9

**Birthday**

**Bella**

This past week was the best in my entire life. I kept waiting for the moment when I would want to go back to San Diego. When we would all began to get on each others nerves and our differences would become too much. It didn't happen. I felt like a part of this family. Jake and I even came to an understanding regarding the bathroom. He would get free reign in the mornings, since he had to get ready for school, and all the time he wanted when he got home from practice. I promised not to keep tampons in there and to never hang bras or panties on the shower curtain.

The change Jake and I enjoyed the most was no longer being an only child. We bonded instantly and I couldn't believe how quickly I felt protective of him. We spent almost every evening lying on my bed talking about music, girls, school, books, even our own insecurities. I felt so much regret when I would think back to how I treated boys in school. I didn't realize how much they had to expose themselves to get a girls attention. I just assumed it was all about sex and I was much too willing to play upon that stereotype. Jake showed me boys could really care about a girl.

We planned a big party for his birthday. We invited Rose and Emmett and most of the entire junior class. Dad and Sue invited some of their friends too. He was excited to introduce me to them.

I enjoyed watching all the girls fawning over Jake. I could pick out which ones liked him and wanted more than a friendship. One girl in particular reminded me so much of myself. She didn't hang back and wait. She took what she wanted and had her hands all over Jake. Every word out of her mouth had a double meaning.

I finally noticed a quiet girl who seemed to watch Jake's every move. She was kind and helpful with the food and seemed to furrow her brow a little when the other girls would touch Jake.

"Hi," I said as I scooted next to her.

"Um…hi," she said shyly. "You're Jake's sister aren't you?"

"Yes, and who are you?"

"I'm Leah."

"Well Leah, I like you!" I got right to the point as usual. "And I think you like my brother."

Her eyes widened in shock and then she dropped her head. "Am I that obvious?"

"No, not obvious at all, and that my dear is the problem. I think I am going to help you out." I rose and took her by the hand. I called out for Jake and I felt her pull against my hand but I just held on tighter.

"Jake, take me and Leah for a row around the lake." I was heading down to the dock pulling Leah with me.

Jake jumped off of the trampoline that was clogged with girls and ran to catch up with us. He pulled the canoe off the stand and handed us life vests. Leah climbed into the boat and right before I put my foot in I lifted my finger and said, "Oh just a sec my phone is vibrating." I pretended to answer my phone and then turned to Jake. "Sorry, I have to take this. You and Leah go ahead." And I headed back to the house.

I kept looking out the kitchen window toward the lake. They were now sitting smack in the middle and Jake was no longer rowing. They sat there for over half an hour. When I noticed them return to the dock I called for the pushy, touchy girl to come help me cut up more watermelon. I couldn't help but grin when I saw Jake and Leah headed to the house holding hands.

Rose came up behind me and whispered in my ear. "You conniving bitch!"

I laughed and said, "You just wait until I start sneaking Emma out of the house to meet up with boys!"

Her eyes flashed and she answered smugly, "My husband has a gun, and don't you ever forget it!"

"Touché Rosalie."

"So, when are you going to let me set you up with someone?" she asked sincerely.

My heart tightened in my chest. I had tried to meet men in San Diego but I couldn't get Edward out of my head. Being so close to Seattle made it even harder to stop thinking about him. I felt awful for how cold and heartless I had been.

I took Rosalie's hand and looked her right in the eye. "I have a lot of healing to do and I will let you know when I am ready."

"Okay," she smiled. "Alice is coming next week for a lunch meeting with me. I really want you to be there."

I was so excited. I really missed Alice and I was also sure she would have news about Edward. I assured her I would come and that I didn't have any plans to return to San Diego in the near future.

The party slowly died down and Jake and Leah remained glued to each other. I got my gift out of my room and handed it to him, as he sat on a picnic table, looking at the stars, with Leah sitting between his legs. I winked at Leah when she looked up at me.

Jake opened the box and began whooping up and down. "Mom, Dad, look what Bella got me!" He screamed as he held the iphone box for them to see.

"I love it, Bella," he said as he pulled me into a tight hug. "I love you and not just for the phone but the"…. He glanced at Leah….."you know, everything you do for me."

"I love you too, Jake, and for everything you do for me, also."

And it was true, I truly loved Jake more than I ever loved anyone in my life. I wanted the best for him and I couldn't imagine going back to San Diego and not being able to see him. I decided right at that moment what I was going to do.

"Dad, Sue, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Charlie wrapped his arm around my waist and led me to the house. Sue had a very concerned look on her face so I assured her it was good news to make her relax.

"I wanted to know if it would be okay for me to stay for awhile, at least for the summer?"

They both smiled and hugged me at the same time. "We have plenty of room and we want you to consider this your home. You don't even need to ask," Sue spoke.

I knew I had enough money saved to take a year off if I wanted, but there wasn't much opportunity for work in this small town. I would eventually have to leave. I was hoping that by the end of the summer I would feel whole and ready to move forward with my life. But remain close enough to keep up with my family, Portland or maybe Seattle.

**Edward**

"What do you think of the house, son."

"This is amazing, sure you can afford it?" Seth said as his eyes wandered from the house to the neighborhood.

I chuckled softly and thought how much he looked like his mother. I had always hoped to provide for them both in this manner but unfortunately time ran out. Now that Tanya passed and I got a promotion I was flush with cash and ready to enjoy the finer things in life.

"Come let my show you where your room will be." I led Seth to the back of the house and opened a door. I stood back to catch his reaction.

"No way, dad. This is better than having my own place." He ran to the middle of the room and made a full circle while he gasped at the sight. "Dad, this is incredible!"

I felt my heart swell. I wanted Seth to feel like he had his own place but remain with me. We were better than we had ever been and I hated the thought of losing him again.

"All I ask is you keep it clean," I smiled at him while handing him a set of keys and a card. "The front gate requires a card swipe so don't lose this."

I heard someone clear their throat and turned to see a woman and her daughter standing in the hallway.

"Hi," she said while extending her hand. "I'm Victoria, your neighbor, and this is my daughter Bree. If you have young kids Bree is a great babysitter."

"Hello, Victoria and Bree. I'm Edward and this is my son Seth. I'm afraid it is just the two of us."

I noticed how Victoria moved closer at the news there wasn't a Mrs. Cullen. I also noticed how my own body tensed. Seth raised an eyebrow at me but I wanted to put an end to this line of thinking right up front.

"I don't think we will be very good neighbors. Seth is a college student and I spend most of my time at the office."

"Is that your dog in the car?" Bree asked revealing a full set of braces.

"Now, he will be around a lot and will love some special attention," I said directly to Bree. "His name is Sam and feel free to go play with him."

Bree turned and ran from the house. Victoria eyed me suspiciously and finally came right out with it. "So, are you married or involved with anyone?"

Gratefully, Seth jumped in to save me. "Dad is married to his job. Don't bother trying to set him up with anyone. He is a workaholic."

Victoria just smiled and seemed to take his warning as a challenge. I was going to have to keep on my toes to stay one step ahead of her.

Seth and I moved in that weekend and spent most of Sunday picking out furniture. It was fun to get to know my son on a totally different level. I was beginning to see him as a man and not the boy he used to be.

"Dad, why exactly don't you date?" He asked as we stopped for a burger.

"I'm working on healing, son. I need to work on my sobriety and rebuild the office. I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm happy, Seth," I assured him.

"What about the lady from last year?" He spoke softly as if he was afraid to bring up a sore subject.

"What about her?" I asked nonchalantly when in actuality my heart tightened at the thought of Bella.

"Any possibilities there?"

"None," I said as I took a huge bite of my burger and hoped my pain didn't show.

The following day I had a meeting with Jasper. He had to finish several commitments before he would meet with me about a full time job.

"Hey boss," Jasper teased as he entered my office.

I looked at the folder in his hand and smiled. "Tell me you're here to accept my offer."

He tossed the folder onto my desk and sat in the chair across from me. "I just want to know what took you shmucks so long. I've been doing my best work for The Carlisle Corporation for years."

"I think Newton felt a little intimidated, but I'm glad you decided to join us. How's Alice?"

"Great, she is starting some little business with Rosalie. Nothing big or too stressful. Rose lives in Oregon now."

I didn't like hearing Alice and Rose would be competitors. They were both too talented to go up against. "Tell them to come talk to me and we can work something out."

"They want to stay small, and I mean very small. Alice is having me teach her the art side of the business. They want to keep it totally contained and handle everything in house."

"Do me a favor," I said lifting my eyebrows. " Don't teach her everything, save some of your genius for us."

We both began laughing and I was feeling things were going to work out just fine.


	4. Chapter 10 thru 12

**10Changes**

**Bella**

I had been living with my family for over four months now. The biggest change in my life came after my weekly meetings with Alice and Rosalie. We had decided to start our own ad firm. We wanted to stay small and only take regional clients, nothing national or too big. Alice was learning the graphics end of the business from Jasper and still trying to get pregnant. Rosalie had finished a great office on the side of her house. I had contacts from The Carlisle Corp. Clients that were too small for them to even consider. We were actually making it work and saw success right away.

Over time I slowly told them about my connection with Edward. They were stunned and both encouraged me to get in touch with him. I didn't know how to go about it. I was sure he would scream at me to get out of his sight the moment he laid eyes on me. It was also something I could not do over the phone.

Rose came up with a plan. She set up a meeting with Edward by using the name of one of our clients from Texas, a Mr. Banner. She told Edward's secretary he had acquired some auto parts stores in Washington and wanted to meet with Edward after hours. Rose assured her that the meeting was to be very informal and very preliminary.

We had to think quickly when his secretary wanted a local number where she could reach Mr. Banner in case a change of time was needed. We told her to call the Four Seasons Hotel, which happened to be across the street from their new offices. This meant I was going to have to spend the night in Seattle and hope a message didn't come saying Edward could not meet with me.

"I can't do this," I cried as I looked in the mirror. "Alice this dress is too suggestive!" I realized the paradox. I would have never worn anything so conservative a year ago. It was a simple sun dress with spaghetti straps that fit tight around my hips.

"Here," Alice compromised by handing me a small short sleeved sweater. "But if you wear the sweater you have to wear the higher heels."

"And don't forget Bella," Rose cut in. "This is not just about you. We want his throw away clients. If he doesn't want to talk about personal things at least hit him up for contacts."

"I swear you have dual personalities Rosalie," I threw at her while I undressed.

"What?" she asked.

I just shook my head. I was so nervous. I had no idea what I was going to say. I was hoping for some sort of closure so I wasn't constantly comparing every man to Edward. It was too much to hope that he would have any sort of feelings for me. I didn't want to be his sex buddy but didn't know if I would be able to resist him. I promised myself I would walk away if he didn't want a relationship. I just hoped I was strong enough.

I checked in and asked if any messages had come in for a Mr. Banner. I spent the afternoon trying to relax by swimming and sitting in the hot tub. I took way too much time on my hair and makeup and found myself staring at the clock counting down minutes. My heart was pounding out of my chest as I walked across the street at 7:15.

**Edward**

I had left the office at four to make it home to change. I was told this particular client wanted a low key meeting. I ran on the treadmill for a while and then showered and changed into jeans and a button down shirt. I didn't eat in case the meeting went well and we decided to stretch it out into a dinner discussion.

Business had been great. The Seattle office was leading the company in every area. I felt a sense of accomplishment and really enjoyed the new people I had hired.

I still thought about Bella constantly. She was too much; too beautiful, too smart, too sexy and too right for me. Since she had left The Carlisle Corporation I felt my only hope of seeing her again had left, too.

I got back to the office at 6:45. The place was a ghost town, every office was empty and the lights were off. I looked at the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet with guilt. I knew I left a bottle there but I had not been tempted to open it, not even once.

I settled in working on some finances for the office when I heard the elevator open. I rose from my desk and at the same time my cell phone rang. It was Seth. "Hey son, I have a meeting tonight with a client. Can I call you back later?"

I shut the phone and heard a light knock on my door. It was already opened and slowly widened to reveal Bella standing there. I was stunned. I had to shake my head to make sure I was actually seeing what I thought I was seeing.

My mind was reeling and I wasn't quite sure what to do. I wanted to run to her and wrap my arms around her beautiful body. I wanted to beg her to please walk away and not leave me broken in the process. I was sick to think I had to make it through a business meeting in a few minutes.

**Bella **

Edward was standing behind his desk and looked at me like he had seen a ghost. I noticed his eyes instantly went to the clock on the wall and then back to me.

"I'm sorry, you are expecting Mr. Banner," I offered. "Your appointment is actually with me. I hope that is not a problem."

"No, have a seat."

We both sat and he looked so confused. "So, you work in Texas now?"

"What?"

"Do you work with Mr. Banner?"

I suddenly felt horrible for allowing Rose to set the meeting up using a lie. How could I apologize when I was manipulating him?

"Edward, there is no Mr. Banner," I confessed. "I wanted to talk to you without any interruptions or distractions. If you want me to leave I will."

"No, no don't leave. I guess I am just confused."

I felt my eyes start to tear up and I mentally yelled at myself to buck up. I couldn't look at him when I spoke. It was too much to look into his eyes.

"First of all Edward let me give you my condolences on the passing of your wife." I looked at my hands and he didn't respond. I took a jagged breath and continued. "I also wanted to tell you I continued on with the counseling…you know…the stuff we were required to do."

"So did I."

My head snapped up. I looked directly at him. "I found my dad," I whispered.

He smiled softly. "I got my son back."

"Well, weren't we a couple of fuck ups!" I laughed.

**Edward**

I couldn't believe she was sitting right here in my office. I had no idea what she wanted but something was different. She wasn't so intimidating. There was a softness about her. She was still gorgeous. Her dress hung tightly to her figure and she had on stiletto heels.

When she mentioned my wife I couldn't speak. It was not a subject I wanted to relive with her. I quickly saw it was a formality and not her reason for coming. She had found her father. I was only hoping it turned out as positively as getting Seth back had worked out for me.

Then she laughed and at that moment I knew my life would change forever. She came back, for me. She had changed and it led her back here. Now I needed to let her know I had changed too, that I was ready for her to be part of my life.

"Bella, I can't tell you how great it is to see you again."

She hurried and wiped away a tear that had spilled over and continued to look at her lap.

"Don't cry." It came out so soft I wasn't sure she heard me.

She slowly lifted her head to look at me and then took a big breath.

**Bella **

"Edward, I was so awful to you. I am so sorry." I had a whole speech worked out but when I looked at him everything left my mind.

He shook his head and just smiled.

"I need you to say it. I need you to tell me you forgive me," I pleaded.

He rose from his chair and walked over to me offering me his hand. "Can I show you something?"

I took his hand and he led me out of the office, turning off lights and locking up as we left. It was a warm August night and we begun walking toward downtown. I soon realized we were headed to the old office building. The one I last saw as it fell into flames and rubble. It was now a beautiful little park. Trees and grass with benches and cobble stone walkways. A marker stood next to a beautiful fountain.

It read:

_In memory of the men and women who lost their lives on this spot. _

_May this always be a place for remembrance and reflection._

_Donation made possible by E.C. in honor of B.S., the one who holds my heart._

He turned to look at me. "There is no need to ask for my forgiveness."

I couldn't speak, I could just barely breathe. My mouth came open, but there just weren't the right words to express how I felt. I threw my arms around his waist and buried my head in his chest. He stood perfectly still and gently rubbed my back.

When I finally looked at him again he asked, "Can I take you to dinner?"

"A date?" I asked.

"Yes, a date," he replied. "And no, I am not asking you to suck my dick!"

I buried my face in my hands. I wanted to find some hole and crawl inside. Edward just laughed and took my hand leading me away.

We made our way back to the Four Seasons and got a table at the Art Restaurant in the lobby. We both ordered the Wild King Salmon and a glass of wine. I felt my nervousness start to fade and I began telling him all about my father. I could tell I lit up when I told him all about Jake. Edward just smiled as I rambled on and on.

When I finally finished he took a deep breath and began telling me his story. I heard all about his wife and son and I could see the pain in his eyes. He finally said something that hit me right in the heart. "I made mistakes I didn't even realize I made until I found something new."

I reached over and put my hand on top of his. "I know exactly what your mean." I couldn't finish what I wanted to say. I wasn't sure how to put it into words. Luckily our waiter retuned at that moment and Edward handed him his credit card.

"Thank you for dinner, Edward. It was wonderful."

He winked and offered me his hand. After signing the receipt he stood pulling me with his hand I was holding. "I want to show you the view from here." We walked to the elevators and made our way to the rooftop pool still holding hands. It felt intimate and loving, and I was beginning to feel nervous again.

I held onto the barrier as I gasped at the sight in front of me. The whole city was lighted and looked beautiful. I could see the coast line and blackness spread out from the west. Edward stood behind me with both hands on either side of me holding the railing.

"Bella," he whispered in my ear. I felt a shudder go through my body. Before I could answer he continued. "Please, tell me." I contemplated acting like I didn't know what he was talking about but we were beyond pretenses.

"Edward, I don't know how to do this. It is all new and I am going to mess it up somehow. I mean it is natural to mess up something you have never done before and that scares me. I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to feel so scared." I finally stopped and dropped my head in frustration.

His arms tightened around me and he rested his chin on my shoulder. "Are you too scared to try?"

"No," I whispered.

He turned me around to face him and took my face in his hands. "The only way you could hurt me is if you didn't even want to try. Just being with you tonight has made me so happy. But we need to make sure we do this the right way."

I looked at him in confusion, "What do you mean the right way?"

"Not like it was before. Not just a physical relationship. I want way more this time, Bella."

A thought crossed my mind and I broke into a huge smile.

"What?" he asked.

"It is a good thing you said that because my dad's a cop and my little brother is actually quite large." I couldn't believe how good it felt having men who would look out for me and protect me. How did my life suddenly become so clear and so full?

"So," he hesitated. "If I walk you to your room and kiss you goodnight at the door would I be putting my life in danger?"

I looked into his eyes and my heart skipped a beat. This was going to be difficult. How could I let him kiss me when just having his arms around me was making me swoon. And if I did let him kiss me how could I let him walk away afterwards.

"I don't know if I am strong enough for that." I left my hands resting on his chest between us and dropped my eyes from his.

"I may just _barely_ be strong enough for the both of us," he said aloud, but I think he was trying to convince himself not me.

**Edward**

This was going to be a complicated test. I wanted a relationship with her. I wanted her in my life forever not just in my bed. If I could only think about tomorrow, and not about having her in my arms right now, I could walk away tonight.

When we reached her room I stood in front of the door handle. I was afraid if she opened the door I wouldn't be able to leave. I wrapped my arms around her small waist and looked into her beautiful face.

"Bella, I would love for you to meet Seth."

Her face lit up immediately, "I would love that Edward. And I would love for you to meet my family."

I nodded before continuing. "Can you join us for breakfast tomorrow? I know it is short notice but Seth is a typical college kid and his schedule is pretty hectic. I already have breakfast planned with him, so I would like you to come."

"Just tell me when and where and I will meet you."

Now it was her turn to ask. "Um….this Sunday we are having a fish fry at my Dad's house. Alice and Jasper, as well as Emmett and Rosalie will be there. Can you come? Oh and Seth, if he wants, Jake is having some friends over and a few are college age."

"I will let you ask Seth yourself tomorrow," I smiled. "But I wouldn't miss it for the world."

I pulled her closer and could feel her body lined up along mine. The sensation was unbelievable and I actually moaned as I closed my eyes and dropped my head back. She stroked my bicep with one hand as the other worked its way into my hair. I was brought back to rational thought when I felt her body began to shake in my arms. I looked into her eyes and saw the familiar look of fear.

I stared at her face trying to find the best way to ease her mind, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized this was scary. I hadn't dated since I met Tanya at the age of sixteen. Bella has never been in a relationship. It would be so easy to fall back into our old ways. But we had to try. I wanted her too badly to not at least try.

"Good night," I whispered as I lowered my head towards her lips touching them very lightly.

"Oh, God," she moaned against my mouth.

That was it. My resolve quickly faded and I pulled her tightly against me. My hands began wandering over her body as I deepened the kiss to an almost frantic level. She responded in every way as she pushed me against the hotel room door. Her body melted into mine desperate for more contact. We both needed so much more.

Suddenly the door across the hall opened and an elderly couple stepped into the hallway. I broke our kiss and we both looked at the couple as we gasped for air. They gave us a disapproving look and I put my hands on Bella's hips and pushed her slightly away from my body. She tightened her arms around my neck and glared at me.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Edward?"

"No, I'm not kidding and I am leaving now while I have the ability to think straight." I was hoping my shirt hung down low enough to hide my very evident and very painful erection.

"You bastard," she said with a smile and then unhooked her hands from around my neck moving them slowly down my chest.

I quickly caught her hands before they could go down any further. "Let me program your number into my phone so I can send you directions for breakfast."

"You better send me some erotic pictures of yourself…um….taking care of business," she looked down at my pants. "So I can take care of some of my own."

She took her phone out of her purse and handed it to me. I typed in my number, making sure to put two A's in front of my name, so it would show up first in her address book, then programmed her number into my phone. I handed hers over as I backed away into the hallway.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning at eight," I said as I blew her a kiss. The look on her face was priceless. At first she looked confused, then shocked, then amused and finally pissed! She watched me back my way toward the elevator and finally lifted her hand to flip me off. "Soon love," I laughed as I entered the waiting elevator. My last sight as the doors closed was her smiling face as she placed her hand on her heart.

**11**

**Meetings**

**Bella **

I walked into Denny's and instantly saw Edward. He pulled me into a tight hug and was literally beaming. "You look beautiful," he whispered into my ear.

"Thanks, but you're still in trouble," I whispered back.

His tone became very serious. "I'm really glad I was able to leave Bella. I truly want this to work."

I reached out and ran my hand down his cheek. He leaned into my palm closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Have I told you how amazing you are Edward Cullen? How did I get so lucky?"

He opened his eyes and stared at me with such love it made me want to cry. "I'm the lucky one," he insisted.

"Hey, dad." A voice came from behind me.

I turned to see a young man staring at me tentatively. I could see Edward in him but not a total look a like. He was not as tall as his father and had fair skin. He looked clean cut and self assured.

Edward kept his arm around my waist as he introduced us. I put my hand out to shake Seth's and hoped he wouldn't notice how much I was shaking.

"So you're the one to finally get dad out of the office and out of the house?"

I instantly relaxed and we were led to our booth.

Edward sat next to me and Seth sat across from us. I asked him about school and he told me about his major and future plans. He seemed to have his head on straight and I could tell he thought a lot of his father. After we ordered Edward excused himself to go wash his hands.

I finally broached the subject we were all trying to ignore. "Seth, I am sorry about your mother."

He just nodded and looked out the window. "I'm having trouble coming to terms with that," he finally admitted. "She tried to make me hate my dad." 

"We have a bit in common, Seth."

He looked at me again. "My mother told me some lies about my dad. I only met him six months ago; at the age of twenty eight. I find he is an amazing man, just like your dad."

His eyes dropped to his hands; folded on the table in front of him. "Why did they do it?" he asked in a whisper.

I put my hand over his. "Fear. It is a terrible thing to be afraid."

He nodded in agreement.

"Seth, they did the best they knew how in the situations they were in. We can't judge them just because we are stronger. That wouldn't be fair."

Edward retuned at that moment and seemed sorry for interrupting us. I pulled my hand back and Seth kept his eyes down. I needed to lighten the mood so I brought up the fish fry.

"Seth my dad has this phenomenal place outside of Portland. It has a private lake and every toy you can imagine. The house is simple, but they designed the property for entertaining. Tomorrow we are having a party. I have a brother who is going to be a senior this year. He is having a bunch of friends over, some of them in college and plenty of them female. I am inviting you and your dad to come."

"Female?" Seth broke into a big grin.

"Are you a leg man or a breast man?" I teased.

"Excuse me," Edward interrupted. "This is my kid you're talking with."

"Dad, Bella is ten years younger than you and only eight years older than me!"

Edward looked stunned and wrapped his arm around my shoulder pulling me close to him. "You find your own woman and leave mine alone!"

Seth put his thumb and finger out to mimic a phone and mouthed, "Call me." We all broke out into laughter and I couldn't imagine the breakfast going any better.

**Edward**

I returned from the restroom to see Bella with her hand on Seth's and they seemed to be having a very deep conversation. She looked up to see me right when I thought I should turn around and let them finish their conversation.

Seth seemed to genuinely like Bella. They joked and teased all through breakfast and I found myself relaxing. I couldn't imagine being happier than at this moment. The two most important people in my life were connecting.

I also couldn't keep myself from touching Bella. I would put my hand on her knee or place my leg against hers. I was drawn to her like a magnet and nothing ever felt so good.

When we finished eating we walked Seth to his car. He smiled at Bella and assured her he would be at her house the next day to meet the hot girls she had promised.

"I don't recall Bella using the word hot," I reminded him.

"Really," Seth answered. "Cause I remember the words 'unbelievably hot.'"

"I will make sure Jake invites some 'unbelievably hot' girls," Bella laughed.

"See, dad," Seth joked. "All you have to do is ask for what you want in life."

I punched him gently in the arm and told him I would see him at home. Bella turned to wrap her arms around my waist as Seth drove away.

"I already have an unbelievably hot guy, there is nothing else I want," she said before pulling me to her lips.

"Really?" I asked. "Although I have an unbelievably hot woman, there is a lot more I want."

"It's all yours Cullen," she moaned.

I was quickly losing my control. I could easily throw her onto the black pavement and take her right there in the parking lot. I deepened our kiss and instantly regretted it. It was going to be painful to let her drive away . Tomorrow seemed like forever.

Luckily, she was the one to pull back. She was breathing deeply and her eyes looked almost wild. "If I don't leave right now I'm afraid I will bring back some old habits."

I knew she was talking about all the wild sex we had in our cars last year. I didn't want to remember that time. I felt guilty for being so selfish and so disrespectful and it was painful to remember the drinks I had to bolster my nerve whenever I was with her.

I put my arm around her waist and walked her to her car. "Until tomorrow," I said before kissing her gently.

She took a deep, unsteady breath. "Thank you, Edward."

"For what?"

"For letting me back into your life. For insisting we do it the right way, and for letting me meet Seth."

My smile was so huge I felt like a kid experiencing love for the first time. "No," I insisted. "Thank you."

**Edward**

We pulled into the long driveway and I saw Bella step out onto the front porch. She looked so amazing in a short skirt and swimsuit top. I instantly broke into a huge smile. Seth punched my arm and laughed to himself.

I watched her walk towards the car before opening my door. Seth was already standing and waved as she approached. "Hi," she said with a smile and then looked at me inside the car to see if I was just going to sit there.

I opened the door and exited as I motioned with my head for her to come closer. When she reached the door I threw my arms around her, lifting her off the ground. I couldn't help looking down at her breasts pushed against my chest. "You're trying to kill me aren't you?"

"Keep your eyes on my face and remember my Dad wears a gun!" she teased and kissed me quickly on the mouth.

I moved one hand to the back of her head and pulled her back in for another kiss. I was lost in the sensation. Unaware of anything else around me as I still held her off the ground and tight against me.

"Oh God, there are children present," Rosalie interrupted.

I looked up to see her holding her daughter and walking towards us. Emmett was a few paces behind with a huge smile on his face, as usual. Only then did I notice another car had pulled in behind me. Alice was bouncing up the driveway as Jasper followed carrying a large covered platter.

"Alice," Bella protested. "You were not supposed to bring anything. It will make Sue mad."

"This is a special dessert and I had to make it. Nobody even has to eat it; they just have to look at it. I promise Sue won't care." She assured Bella.

"Hi, Edward," Alice said as she passed us, as if it were the most natural thing in the world for me to be standing there. "Come here Emma, Aunt Alice will take you to the swings."

"Do _NOT_ take your eyes off her," Rose demanded. "And don't let her near the water."

"Let's hit the trampoline, Babe," Emmett said as he lifted Rose over his large shoulders and carried her off.

I pat Jasper on the back as he passed still carrying the large platter.

An old truck pulled into the drive at that point and Bella squealed with delight. "It's Jake. Come on you two and let me introduce you all."

I noticed how excited she got at the sight of her brother. She pulled my arm down the driveway and put one hand next to her mouth to whisper over to Seth. "One of the girls is Jake's girlfriend and the other is her older sister. She is really hot!" I noticed Seth's smile widen a little.

Jake stepped out of the truck and he was only wearing a pair of board shorts and nothing else. He was bulging with muscles, but very lean and lanky. Not huge like Emmett but very ripped. He headed towards me with his hand extended and a big smile.

"Man, it is so nice to meet you," he offered.

"Hi Jake, I'm Edward and this is my son Seth." His handshake was firm and there was something about the kid that made you instantly like him.

"Yeah great," he said looking at Seth. "This is my friend Leah and her sister Emily. She goes to school in Seattle, too."

Emily walked forward and shook hands with Seth. She was wearing a swimsuit and cut off jeans and I noticed how Seth looked her up and down. I will have to remember to talk to him about being so obvious.

They began talking about classes and campus as Jake and Leah led the way to the back yard. Seth turned back towards Bella after a few steps and gave her the thumbs up sign. I was finally alone with her and pulled her tightly against me again.

"Has it really only been one day?"

"Exactly," she laughed. "It felt so much longer to me, too."

I leaned down to kiss her again and groaned out loud when she sighed against my mouth. She pulled back with a wicked smile on her face and I had to remind myself her father had a gun.

"Where is this police chief I keep hearing about?"

She took me by the hand and led me up the front porch and through the door. The house was simple and made you feel like you were in a cabin. It had exposed beams and everything was warm and cozy. Just the house alone made me relax and feel welcomed.

When Charlie entered the room I felt my mouth fall open. I had never seen a father and daughter look so much alike. It was like staring at a male version of Bella. Sue was right behind him. She wasn't what you would call conventionally pretty. She was natural, with weathered skin and grey showing through her hair, but when she smiled you could actually feel the warmth emanating from her, making her absolutely beautiful. I could not imagine two more perfect people as Bella's parents.

I was vaguely aware of Bella saying our names when Sue pulled me into a tight hug. "Welcome to our home Edward. I hope this is the first of many visits here." She stepped back and Charlie took my hand in a firm shake. His eyes seemed to mist over and I noticed Bella wiping tears from her face.

I wrapped my arm around her waist pulling her closer to me. "Are you alright, love?" She only nodded and squeezed me tightly.

Charlie noticed another car pull into the driveway. "There's my helper. Excuse me while I get the fish started." He and Sue both went onto the porch to welcome an older couple.

Alone with Bella I ran my hands up her sides causing goose bumps up and down her arms. "Can you do me a favor and go put on a t-shirt?" I begged. "Now that I've met Charlie I feel kind of bad for the inappropriate thoughts I am having about his daughter."

She lightly slapped my arm and pulled me toward the back door. "I want to get some sun, so just deal with your horny self Cullen!"

**Bella**

I felt like I was dreaming, I was walking on clouds and couldn't imagine being happier than I was at this moment. I had the most amazing man at my side. Jake and Seth seemed to hit it off right away and my parents were two of the most loving people to ever walk the earth. I was completely content.

As soon as Edward and I stepped on the back deck Emmett called for Edward to join him and Jasper as they tossed a football around. Edward put up his finger telling them to wait a moment and turned to me. "I have something for you. Let me run and get it out of my car."

I made my way under the covered picnic table and sat next to Rose and Alice. Edward come back with a folder in his hand and handed it to me before he ran off to join the guys. We all leaned closer and looked at its contents. Slowly it began to sink in what we were looking at. We all screamed and Alice began jumping up and down like a child at Disneyland. Emma was playing in the sandbox and froze. The guys all turned their attention to us. Even all the teenagers down by the lake turned toward the house to see what was going on.

"Emmett, babe," Rose yelled. "Sorry, but I have to have sex with Edward!"

"Okay," Emmett yelled back. "Just use protection." The guys went back to their game.

I couldn't believe Edward handed over not only smaller accounts that his firm didn't want but also all the detail; all the ground work that had been done along with art work and opinion polls and brand testing. It was like handing us a blank check.

Alice finally stopped jumping and we all stared at each other. Rose spoke first. "It isn't like we didn't work our asses off for The Carlisle Corp. We earned this," she emphasized. "And we do good work so it is in Edward's best interest to use us."

She looked up at me with an evil smirk and added, "Well, use Bella at least."

I grabbed the folder out of her hands and smacked her in the back of the head with it. "I never even asked him about clients," I admitted. "I honestly forgot about it. I don't even know how he knew."

Alice took my head in her hands and turned it toward the guys. "Bella Duh, look who he sees every day. Jasper works for him. I am sure he put it together that you work with Rose and me."

I stood starring at Edward. He was so handsome dressed in army green khaki shorts and a tight white v neck t-shirt. There was nothing I wanted more than to be alone with him right now.

"Emmett babe," Rose called out again. "I guess Bella will be the one having sex with Edward instead."

I instantly snapped out of my daydreaming as Emmett yelled back. "Sorry babe. I know you were looking forward to it!"

"Rose, my little brother is here!" I complained. I was amazed at how much I had changed. A joke like that never would have crossed my radar before. Now all I could think about was what kind of impression I was leaving on Jake.

I saw Sue carrying large bowls to the covered tables and pulled Rose and Alice with me to help. Dad tugged the rope on a large bell calling for the kids to come up from the lake. By the time they slowly made their way up to the house we had all the food out and ready to go. I couldn't help but notice Seth and Emily walking closely with their arms touching often.

I pulled Jake toward the house and asked him to help me carry a cooler full of pop and beer out to the deck. Once inside I began questioning him about Seth. We were whispering and laughing as we pulled the cooler out the door.

Dad turned to Edward and said, "It is amazing to see them become so close."

"I can tell Bella adores her brother," Edward offered.

"It is mutual, let me assure you," Sue added to the conversation.

Rose put her arm around Dad's shoulder and spoke very loudly on purpose. "You know, she is probably buying him beer. Emma loves her too and it's because she sneaks and gives her candy."

"Bite me bitch," I whispered to Rose as I handed Edward a beer.

"I am not buying him beer," I assured dad.

Alice jumped up on one of the picnic tables and was swinging her arms frantically over her head. "Okay, everyone I am uncovering my dessert."

Edward leaned over to Jasper and said, "Dude, you really need to get her some valium." Jasper smiled and lifted his beer in agreement. Everyone laughed because the difference between the two was startling. Jasper was so calm and laid back. He rarely showed any emotion. He was the complete opposite of Alice.

Alice motioned for me and Rose to come over and stand next to her while she removed the foil off of her surprise dessert. It was a very ugly white cake. It was lopsided, with crumbs all over in the icing. Something was written on the top and we both moved closer to decipher the letters. "We are having a baby" we both read in unison.

Rose threw her hands over her mouth and we both looked from Alice to Jasper waiting for them to say it was a joke or something. When they both just stood there smiling we jumped up onto the picnic table dissolving into a group hug and began to cry.

Jake and his friends filled their plates and headed back to the lake quickly growing tired of all the drama going on under our ramada. Dad and Sue sat with their friends on the deck leaving us to our own little party. We talked and laughed and snuggled until the sun finally set.

Jake came up to get some wood to start a fire in the fire pit down by the lake when he noticed Jasper playing his guitar around the fire we had started. He ran to his room and brought out his own guitar. He played with Jasper awhile and it was amazing how well they could harmonize together. When a few of his friends came up to see what was going on Jake had them grab some wood and they all headed back to the lake. I nudged Edward and pointed out how Seth and Emily were now holding hands.

Rosalie and Emmett said their goodbyes and carried their sleeping daughter to the car. Next came Alice and Jasper's turn to leave since they had a long drive back to Seattle. It was getting a little chilly so I grabbed a sweatshirt and pulled Edward over to the trampoline. We laid there staring at the stars wrapped in each others arms.

"This was the best day of my life." I said as I lightly kissed his neck.

"Ummm." Was all he was able to reply as he put his hand under my shirt onto my bare stomach.

"I can't stand the thought of not seeing you all week," I whined.

"I have to go to New York on Tuesday," he said as he began nibbling on my ear.

I felt like my heart stopped beating. "When do you get back?" I asked.

"Friday."

He sat up and a smile slowly grew across his face. "Hey, why don't you spend the weekend at my place? I can use a company driver to take me to the airport and you can pick me up. That way I won't have to go back to the office and we can start the weekend early."

I could feel my heartbeat start racing in my chest, an entire weekend with Edward? I tried to swallow but my mouth was suddenly dry. I was sure he could sense my fear so he rolled over on top of me holding my face between his hands and began placing light kisses on my mouth. "Just us…._kiss_…..you and me…._kiss_…...together…_kiss_….. alone."

My body lost all fear and began responding to his persuasion. I pulled him closer and wrapped one leg around his hip. He hissed as I pushed into his growing erection.

"Oh, Edward," I moaned.

His hand moved up from my stomach to my breast. He began kissing along my collar bone and then up to my ear. "We gotta stop, Bella," he whispered. "But you're going to have to help me."

I tried to think of reasons to stop him, but nothing came to mind. I didn't want him to stop. I wanted him to rip my clothes off of me and take me right there on the trampoline. _Oh yeah, my little brothers trampoline, at my fathers house, where Edward's son was visiting. _

I pushed him up and said one word, "Seth."

Edward rolled onto his back and pushed his palms into his eyes. "So, can I count on you for the weekend?"

"Definitely," I laughed trying to catch my breath.

We climbed off the trampoline and headed to the lake to get Seth. Jake was playing the guitar and some of the girls were singing. Seth was sitting against one of the posts holding up the ramada with Emily between his legs leaning against his chest. Jake stopped playing when he saw us and motioned to Seth.

Handing his guitar to a friend he took Leah by the hand and said, "Let's walk Seth to the car."

Seth rose and pulled Emily up by the hand, so Edward and I headed back toward the house to give them some privacy. We waited by the car for about 15 minutes saying our own goodbyes when we saw Seth and Jake along with the girls head towards the car. They made their way to the passenger side talking about some concert coming up. I gave Edward a tight hug and thanked him for coming. I stood in place as they backed out of the driveway and watched as the drove off into the night.

Jake came over and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I looked up and smiled with tears in my eyes. "I like him." Jake offered. My smile grew wider.

I noticed the girls headed to Jake's truck. Emily obviously didn't want to stay any longer without Seth.

"Thanks," I said as I hugged him tightly. He left in his truck and I headed to the deck to find Dad and Sue. They were playing cards with their friends and looked up as I stepped onto the deck.

"Come here, baby girl." Dad pushed his chair out and I sat on the edge of his lap. "I have a feeling this man is going to take you away from me." I leaned my back against his chest feeling like a ten year old.

"I think I'll keep you both," I said.

Sue reached over and squeezed my hand and winked at me. I was overcome with emotion. Dad was so lucky to have Sue. I could only imagine the misery my mother would have caused him if she would have actually married him. He was a good man because he had a good woman who loved him. This was what life was supposed to be like. Two people helping each other to be better.

I reached for Sue's hand and brought it up to my mouth and kissed it. Then I leaned over to my Dad and kissed his cheek. I told them Jake had gone to drive the girls home and I headed to my room.

**12**

**Long Week**

**Edward**

I spoke with Bella every night on the phone, but the days seemed to drag on forever. It felt like a month since I last had my arms around her. I was sitting in first class staring out the window willing the clouds to move faster. My tray table was covered in papers, but I couldn't concentrate.

Everything was falling nicely into place. Seth liked Bella and became friends with Jake. He was excited for the fall semester to start so he could see more of Emily. The office was running smoothly and didn't need my micromanaging so I had time to devote to Bella. I was beginning to think about our future together. I could see it working and it made me all the more anxious to be back home.

I practically ran from the plane when we landed. I texted Bella and told her I would meet her outside the luggage pick up door. As I stood on the escalator I saw her walk inside the glass door. She had parked and was coming inside to greet me.

The woman in front of me turned to stare when she heard me sigh and then followed my gaze to Bella. She was wearing a summer dress that clung to her perfect body ending about mid thigh. Her tanned legs looked incredibly long and her dark hair fell around her shoulders in curls. She was stunning.

I dropped my bag when I reached her and pulled her into my arms. Everything around me disappeared. "You have no idea how much I missed you," I admitted.

"Not nearly as much as I missed you."

I kissed her and couldn't seem to break away. I wanted to feel my mouth on hers forever. She didn't seem to mind and let me hold her for as long as I needed. My brain was finally able to process the thought that once I got her home I wouldn't have to break away.

I took her hand one of mine, picked up my bag with the other and headed for her car. When I put my bag in her trunk I noticed her packed bag. This was really going to happen. We were going to have an entire weekend together. I looked up and smiled, she smiled back and tossed me her keys.  
>"You drive," she insisted. "Since I have no idea where I'm going."<p>

I knew I was driving way too fast. I attempted to give her directions as I made various turns but quickly realized she was as anxious as I was to just get there.

I pulled into a gated community and swiped my card to open the large metal gate. I tried to sneak a glance at Bella to see if she felt it was too pretentious. I didn't want to keep the house I had shared with Tanya and I wanted to be closer to Seth's school. My new management position along with Tanya's life insurance made life pretty easy for Seth and I. When I pulled into the driveway Bella's mouth dropped open.

"You live here?" she gasped.

"Yeah," I replied sheepishly., wondering what she was thinking.

She turned to look at me and doubled over in laughter. "It is so you Edward. Perfect in every way just like you are."

"I am far from perfect Bella. Are you making fun of me?"

She instantly turned serious. "Edward, you deserve all of this." She made a sweeping motion toward the house. "I am not making fun of you. An amazing man should live in an amazing house. I just hope the neighbors don't think I'm your maid." She broke out in laughter again.

"Get your perfect ass into my perfect house before I throw you over my shoulder like a caveman." I got out of her car and got the two bags out of the trunk.

**Bella **

Edward seemed nervous when he opened the front door and let me walk in. The house was very modern; everything in glass and chrome and grey. The entry way led to a large staircase that seemed to be suspended in mid air. You could see through the stairs into a large open family room.

He set the bags on the first step and then motioned for me to follow him. Once in the family room I saw the most amazing kitchen I had ever seen. The counters were beautiful black stone and went on forever. A large glass wall opened onto a deck. There I noticed a golden retriever staring up at me.

"Who's this?" I asked while walking closer to the glass.

Edward opened the door and said, "Come."

The dog calmly walked inside and sat next to Edward. He reached down to pet the dog and then kneeled down to speak directly to him. "Sam, this is a very special lady. Say Hi to Bella."

The dog looked at me and lifted a paw to shake and barked once. I reached over to shake his paw and Edward rubbed him affectionately on the head again. "Go get your ball," Edward instructed. Sam turned and ran from the house into the back yard returning quickly with a bright red ball in his mouth. I watched as Edward threw the ball several times with Sam quickly retrieving it.

The sound of a door closing caught my attention. Edward set the ball on the deck and said, "Done," to Sam. We came back into the house right as Seth came into view. "Hi, son," Edward called out while walking to the sink to wash his hands.

"Dad, Bella." He nodded to us as he adjusted a back pack over his shoulder.

"How are you Seth?" I asked.

"Great, I'm actually on my way to meet up with Jake."

He turned to his father and gave him details of his plans for the weekend. He had tickets to a Mariners game with Jake and then they were staying the night at a friend's apartment. Saturday they were meeting up with Leah and Emily and attending a concert. Seth would be spending Saturday night at my house with Jake. I felt a little embarrassed that he was giving us the weekend alone, but also very grateful.

Seth wished us a good time and headed out.

Edward turned his attention back to me and began removing his tie. He threw it over his shoulder and pulled his shirt out from his pants. "So let me show you around."

He didn't get to take another step because I threw myself at him. I jumped into his arms and threw my legs around his waist. Our mouths crashed together and I began running my hands through his hair. He held my butt in his hands and backed me onto the island in the kitchen. I didn't release my legs from around him keeping him tightly held against me.

My hands began desperately trying to undo the buttons on his shirt, until he finally grabbed the shirt; ripping it open. Buttons flew everywhere and he twisted to maneuver it off his shoulders and down his arms without breaking our kiss.

I began undoing his belt and pushed his pants and boxers down with my feet until they draped around his ankles. He slipped out of his shoes and stepped out of his pants as I pulled his undershirt up over his head.

After lifting his arms out of the shirt he placed his hands on either side of me and dropped his head trying to catch his breath. I pulled the knot on the side of my dress quickly opening it and freeing my arms out of the fabric. I grabbed Edward by the hair and pulled his face up to look at me. "Don't pull that shit on me, Edward," I breathed. "I need you, now."

That was all he needed to hear. He grabbed my panties as I unhooked the front clasp on my bra. I lifted so he could pull the small piece of lace down my legs and onto the floor. I quickly slid my bra down my arms the tossed it to the floor, also. He pulled me to the very edge of the counter as I wrapped my legs around his waist again. I leaned back on my elbows as he pulled my ass completely off the ledge and thrust into me. I threw my head back and screamed in ecstasy. It drove Edward wild as he closed his eyes and began moving as hard and as fast as he could.

I knew we weren't going to last long and I could already feel the tension building. He was talking as he grunted but I could only make out a few words… good… hot… so long.

When he looked at me I moved my hands to my breasts while remaining back on my elbows. I started kneading them roughly. Edward eyes were completely filled with lust as he watched me. I wasn't able to hold on any longer and my head fell back as my entire body clenched around him. He screamed out with me as he released inside me. He pushed me back onto the counter and let his head fall onto my stomach. When his breathing calmed down he pulled me up into his arms. I let my head fall onto his shoulder and whispered. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

His head whipped up as he said, "Sorry?"

I couldn't look at him so I mumbled into his shoulder. "I know you didn't want it to be like it was before. I just couldn't help it. My body has never responded to anyone like it does with you. I just wanted you so badly. I'm so sorry."

He put his hand under my chin and pulled me up to look at him. When I opened my eyes the tears began spilling out.

"Bella," he spoke softly, "this is nothing like it was before. You met my son, I met your family. We spent an evening with Rosalie and Emmett, as well as Alice and Jasper; Jasper is on my payroll if you recall. And we went on a date. We're a couple. I invited you here this weekend because I wanted this to happen. We're ready to move forward."

His hands moved down my arms and his eyes followed looking over my body. "You are the sexiest woman I have ever met and I can't believe you're mine."

When the word "mine" escaped his lips I felt my heart swell. I was his. Totally and completely. He looked into my eyes again and I nodded. I opened my mouth and without even thinking the words escaped. "I love you, Edward."

He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. "God, Bella, I love you, too."

I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. We were feeling the same things and wanted the same things. I knew there would never be another man in my life. Edward was it. The one and only for me.

"How about we head to my room and sit in the hot tub for awhile," Edward smiled.

I jumped off the counter and picked up the pile of our clothes off the floor. Edward walked to the stairs and grabbed both of our bags. I couldn't help but smile as I climbed the stairs behind him. His perfectly sculpted back flexed from carrying the suitcases and the muscles in his ass moved in harmony with each step he took.

He turned to the right and opened a set of double doors leading me into a massively huge bedroom. I let a choking laugh escape as I looked around. "This room is bigger than any apartment I ever had."

He set the bags down and took the pile of clothes out of my arms and tossed them into a corner. Taking my hand he walked toward a colored glass wall. He pressed some buttons on a panel and I heard a whoosh of bubbles come from the other side of the glass.

"Jump in; I'm going to order us some food. Unless you would rather go out," he suddenly looked worried.

"No," I assured him. "I don't want to share you with anyone tonight." I reached up on my toes to kiss him lightly on the chin.

He quickly returned and joined me in the hot tub. I snuggled up on his lap with my back against his chest as we just lay there and relaxed. Petty soon I noticed Edward's quiet even breathing. I turned my head to see his eyes were closed. I hated to wake him but I didn't want him sleeping in the hot water.

"Hey," I said as I stood to face him. "Let's get you into bed."

"Sorry, I'm fine. It's just the jet lag and the sleepless nights."

I knew what he meant. I couldn't sleep all week either. I was too anxious to be with him again.

He climbed out of the hot tub and held his hand out for me. We both took a towel off the rack on the wall. Instead of wrapping it around myself I moved to dry Edward off instead. He smiled and began rubbing his towel across my back. Before we could get too caught up in the moment we heard the buzzer from the security gate.

Edward sighed, "It must be the food. I'll go let them in and bring it up here. Go ahead and check out the DVD's and see if there is a movie you want to watch."

I hadn't noticed the huge 60" flat screen until that moment. Edward went over to a big armoire and pulled out a pair of boxers putting them on, then grabbed a robe off the back of the door and headed down the stairs. It gave me an idea.

I pulled open the same drawer and found a pair of maroon silk boxers and a white ribbed wife beater t-shirt. I had to roll the waist band on the boxers to get them to fit but it made them sexier hanging low on my hips. I grabbed my cosmetic case from my suitcase and moved it into the bathroom. After brushing my teeth I went to the corner where he had thrown our clothes and folded them into a pile.

Looking at the DVD collection I quickly settled on the movie, Chocolate.

Edward returned carrying a tray with various Chinese boxes and a bottle of wine with two glasses. He looked up when he entered the room and stood frozen in place.

"I think I like your clothes better than mine," I teased.

"That is by far the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life."

He sat the tray on the bedside table and pulled down the covers on the bed. I suddenly felt shy and didn't quite know what to do. Edward stacked the pillows so we could sit up and motioned for me to climb in. Instead I walked over to him and handed him the DVD.

"Is this movie okay?"

"Doesn't matter, I will be watching you the entire time anyway."

He took the movie from me and headed to the flat screen. I took advantage of the distraction to climb into bed. I sat against the headboard folding my legs Indian style and pulled the covers to my waist. After loading the DVD he grabbed the remote and returned to the bed. In one quick motion he dropped his robe and picked up the tray of food holding it out for me. Now it was my turn to stare.

"Sorry," I blushed, and reached for the tray. Edward climbed into bed and pulled the tray back onto his lap.

"Okay," he started, "We have Lo Mien, Steamed Rice, Shrimp, and Egg Rolls."

"Lo Mien," I answered while clapping my hands together like a child. He just laughed and handed me the box and some chop sticks.

I snuggled closer to him as he hit the remote to start the movie. I noticed Edward only ate a little rice and one glass of wine. He must be exhausted after the stressful week in New York. I put my arm behind his head and began slowly running my fingers through his hair. He was out cold in a matter of minutes.

I continued playing with his hair until the movie ended. I slowly made my way off the bed and quietly lifted the tray and took it downstairs. I moved the food into containers and put them in the refrigerator. Then washed the wine glasses and replaced them on the rack. At that point I noticed Sam watching me. I slid out the glass door and sat on the deck with him in my lap. I rubbed his head and took a few moments to think about my mother.

I wished I could talk to her and tell her how wrong she had been; loving someone made you more alive, more confident and more connected to life. I wanted her to know what a great man Charlie is and how much I missed having him in my life and how lucky I am to have him now. I can't regret that things didn't work out between them because that would mean regretting Jake and Sue. I felt sorry for my mother now, wondering if all our moving was just her way of searching for something. Searching for what I was lucky enough to find.

I had wonderful friends that I enjoyed working with. We were depending on each other for success and it felt good not to shoulder the entire burden. I had loving parents that welcomed me into their home even though I was an adult. They were patient with me as I struggled to get to know them. I had a wonderful brother who taught me it was safe to love someone so unconditionally. He taught me there was another side to men that I never realized. And then Edward. Edward opened a new world for me. It was exciting, and exhilarating, and made me feel happy in ways I couldn't even explain. Life was not meant to live alone.

After kissing Sam on the head and thanking him for the company I returned to Edward's room. He was turned on his side still sound asleep. As quietly as possible I climbed back into bed and snuggled up against him. He murmured something about not leaving him and pulled me tight against his chest. This was absolute bliss.

**Edward**

I opened my eyes to find Bella's back against my chest with my arms draped over her. I smiled and had to resist the urge to turn her towards me. The last time we slept together was the night of the explosion. I had noticed how she was out of bed when I awoke. That was when she didn't do relationships and wouldn't even kiss me. Now she slept contently in my arms.

I couldn't help the soft kisses I was placing in her hair. I felt like I was the happiest man alive. She slowly turned onto her back and stretched her legs.

"Morning," she mumbled without opening her eyes. I watched as a slow smile spread across her face.

"I guess I wasn't great company last night." I admitted.

"Doesn't matter," she smiled. "Sam and I have a little thing going."

"Is that right," I laughed. "I really don't think he is your type."

"Are you kidding me? He obeys my every command. He is exactly my type!"

I rolled over onto her and settled in between her legs. "Give me a command," I whispered.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and looked me right in the eye, "Make love to me."

I felt like my heart was going to explode. I leaned in to kiss her lightly as she ran her fingers down my bare back. I shivered from the contact and deepened the kiss. We moved slowly, painfully slow, as if we were memorizing every inch of each other. I entered her in one quick motion and then stopped. We stared at each other trying to maintain the connection without any movement. It was becoming difficult for me to hold still so I spoke to her to distract myself.

"Are you happy?"

"You are my first and last love," she confessed. "Nobody before you and nobody can ever replace you."

"I don't want to spend a single day without you in my life, Bella."

As we spoke we made very discreet movements. Our breathing was becoming more and more labored. We never broke our eye contact and continued talking until our panting made it impossible. We continued the very small movements that made us appear completely still.

When her eyes finally fluttered and she made a loud gasp I let go. I came harder than I ever had in my life. I held on to her body as if it was my lifeline. All of my senses were gone except the feeling of holding onto her. When my breathing finally returned to normal I was overcome with emotion. I looked into her eyes as mine filled with tears. Tears were falling down the side of her face into her hair.

"I love you," I whispered.

She opened her mouth to speak but couldn't form the words. I kissed her lips softly and began wiping the tears from her face.

"Edward?" she finally spoke.

"Yes, Love?"

"I have never been secretive about my past and you know I have had a lot of sex."

I wasn't sure where she was going with this and didn't want to think about other men touching what was mine. I only nodded.

"No man has ever made love to me Edward. That was…." Tears began streaming down her face again.

"That was me and you," I said. "That was us loving each other."


	5. Chapter 13 thru 16

**13**

**RUN**

**Edward**

We continued to lay there wrapped in each other's arms for close to an hour. I heard Sam bark and realized I hadn't taken him for our morning run. "Do you feel like coming to the park with me? I usually run every morning with Sam but I was gone most of the week, and seeing how you two have such a special relationship …."

"After what you just did Sam can fuck himself." She jumped out of bed and grabbed her suitcase, rummaging through it to find the clothes she was looking for. "I'll even run with you guys."

I grabbed some running clothes and headed to another bathroom. After cleaning up and getting dressed I went to the couch to put on my shoes. Bella headed down the stairs dressed in a long sleeve dri fit running shirt and some short running shorts. Her hair was pulled up into a pony tail making her look very young. When she noticed my staring she bent over to start stretching her muscles.

"See anything you like, Cullen?"

I actually let out a growl of frustration. "I like it all, Swan. Let's get out of here before poor Sam doesn't get a run today."

I handed her a banana to eat on the way and went out back to get Sam.

We drove to a large state park with a five mile trail. Sam sat obediently in the back seat and Bella laughed repeatedly at how well trained he was. I explained it had been just me and him for so long we had a unique connection. She wondered out loud if in time she would be sitting obediently in the back seat. I assured her it would be me following her around like a lost puppy not the other way around.

I wasn't sure exactly what Bella's conditioning level was. I didn't know if I would have to hold back or struggle to keep up with her. As with everything else we did we were an even match. I ran at my usual pace which seemed right in line with hers.

When we made our way back to the car we were both dripping in sweat. I got two water bottles out of the back and shared mine with Sam. As we stood there cooling down her cell phone rang. She had a small pocket in the sleeve of her shirt to hold her phone. Glancing at the number she smiled. "Hi Jake."

I watched as she listened intently to his end of the conversation. Her brow knitted together and she looked worried. When it was her turn to speak she looked up at the sky like she was trying hard to remember something.

"I have no idea," she said. "I can't even remember anyone named James. What exactly made it seem freaky?"

Now my interest was really piqued. If Jake was worried about some James guy I would be more than worried. I wasn't about to let anything come between the relationship we had been able to build in just one short week.

When she hung up I waited expectantly. "What?" I finally asked when she didn't offer anything.

"Um…Jake got a call from somebody looking for me. He said the guy seemed really freaky and kept pushing for information."

"What kind of information?"

"He wanted to know where I was living, and working and what kind of car I was driving."

I felt bile rise into my throat. "Jake didn't tell him did he?"

"No, he said he was very vague and kept trying to get the guy to answer his questions instead. All he could tell was the guy had a strong southern accent. I must have met him when I lived in Dallas."

"Bella I don't want you to leave my side until we have this figured out." I reached out and took her hand. "I would feel much better if you stayed at my place too. I have the security gate and Sam to protect you."

"Edward," she laughed. "My father is the chief of police, remember?"

"Yeah, but he can't hold you in his arms all night." I pulled her tightly against me. "Let's go home and take a shower and see if I can convince you."

Bella was quiet on the way home and I could tell she was worried. She seemed to relax after we went through the security gate. I was going to insist she stay with me and use the weekend to convince her. "

We took a long shower each cleaning off the other person. I loved washing her hair. It was erotic building the shampoo into lather and rubbing her scalp. I could spend eternity washing her beautiful hair. By the time we were ready and dressed for the day lunch had come and gone. We decided to have an early dinner and spend another evening alone. As we were heading for the door her cell phone rang again. This time it was Rosalie.

"This better be good," she fumed.

Again her face tightened into a stressful stare and she listened intently as Rose spoke. Her eyes turned to mine and she looked scared. I took the phone from her hand.

"Rosalie, can we call you right back on my home phone. I want to put this on speaker."

It only rang once and when Rose answered I could hear Emmett in the background. She had her phone on speaker as well.

"Oh my god, Edward, this guy is such a freak. He showed up on my door step looking for Bella. He really scared me and I am just glad Emmett was home."

"Was his name James?" I asked.

"Yea, and he looks like a psycho, you know Charles Manson like crazy. He has long greasy blond hair. Wild dark eyes and his arms are all cut up. Not like he was in an accident but like he actually cuts his arms all the time."

I looked at Bella and she shook her head to say she didn't recognize anyone like that. "What exactly did he say?"

Emmett interrupted and began giving me details. "He was looking for Bella and didn't believe Rose when she said she didn't live here. He insisted Rose was lying to him and was making her feel threatened. I was in the kitchen with Emma and when I threw the door open wide and pushed Rose aside he got a good look at me, uniform, gun and all. He suddenly became contrite and said he must have the wrong information."

Rose yelled in the background. "Bella, I'm going to call Alice. If he had my address he might have hers, too."

Bella sank onto the couch. Her face was white and I worried she might pass out.

"Emmett, what do you suggest we do?"

"Well, first of all I need to file a report. We need to document the fact this guys is looking for Bella."

"Did you know he called Jake earlier today?" I interrupted.

"No, shit! This looks bad. Let me call Jake and get his information and then I'm taking all of this to Charlie."

Bella's head fell into her hands and she began to cry.

"Rose, I'm not letting Bella come back there until we know more about this. You guys can work out of my house if you need to. I know it is not convenient for you, but I think it is safer for Emma if Bella doesn't come to your house."

"Sure, okay." Rose's voice was shaking. I think the realization of her daughter being in danger finally dawned on her.

I told Emmett we would be staying in tonight and asked him to call me if he got any more information. I was sure Charlie would be calling soon and I wanted to talk to him about keeping Bella at my place. I sat next to her on the couch and pulled her close to me.

We were both deep in thought and when I felt her shaking in my arms I knew I needed to distract her, so I softly asked, "Tell me about your mother."

An entire range of emotions flashed across her face. She finally leaned against my shoulder and said, "I can't tell you about her without telling you awful things about myself."

I lifted her chin to look into her eyes. "Nothing about you can be awful."

"Yes, it can Edward. A year ago I wouldn't think that, but now I see how messed up she was and how messed up it made me."

"Bella, those things make you who you are today and I love everything about you. I loved you last year when you were supposedly messed up. Nothing you say can make me stop loving you. It can only help me understand you."

"I didn't have a normal childhood," she began quietly. "By the age of ten my mother was having my clothes altered to make them sexy and revealing. I was taught how to attract a man by walking a certain way or holding my body a certain way. Men were only to be seen as entertainment or to fulfill physical needs. They were never to be trusted or leaned upon."

She looked at me sadly and tears filled her eyes. "Edward, I lost my virginity at the age of fifteen to my science teacher."

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I tried not to respond in any way. I had asked her to tell me and now I had to sit and listen when I really wanted to hold her and make it all go away, the memories, the hurt, and the regret, all of it.

"Now I have some crazy guy looking for me and I don't even know who it is because my list of men I have had sex with is too long to remember."

I looked into her eyes and asked the only question that truly mattered to me. "How many of those have you loved?"

"One," she whispered as she reached out and lightly touched my face.

"How did I get so lucky?" I sighed as I leaned in to kiss her lightly.

**Bella **

He took everything so well. I couldn't believe he could possibly still love me. I felt I needed him to show some of his skeletons. Maybe there were things that tugged at his conscience that didn't make my stuff seem so bad.

"Tell me about your marriage," I asked.

He sat for a minute without responding. I began to think he wasn't going to tell me anything when he finally stood.

"I'm starving, lets heat up the food from last night and I'll talk while we eat."

I realized I had eaten only one banana the entire day and was also very hungry. "Do you have stuff for a banana split?" I asked with a little too much enthusiasm.

Edward laughed and pulled me up while saying, "And there's the girl!" I smacked his arm for using my line.

"Go ahead and get the stuff out of the fridge, I have to fax something really quickly." He turned and ran up the stairs. I pulled out the containers and opened the wine we didn't finish last night. He was back in less than two minutes. We both fixed a plate and nuked them in the microwave. Instead of going to the table I hopped up on the island. He groaned when he saw me sitting there.

"This is one of my favorite places in this house," I teased.

"Mine too," he winked. He stood against the counter across from me holding his plate while he ate.

"Are you ready?" I asked.

He put his egg roll down and started, "Tanya was my first date. I met her when I was sixteen. We broke up the summer before our senior year and I dated a few other girls but nothing serious. We got back together when school started. It was just more comfortable and familiar, not really because of our feelings for each other. She had had sex that summer so our relationship turned physical pretty quickly. We were stupid enough to think if I pulled out in time we wouldn't have to use protection."

"Seriously," I asked stunned. "Do people really think that way?"

"We were young and dumb teenagers," he continued. "She ended up pregnant, of course, so we did what our parents wanted us to do, we got married." He shook his head incredulously. "My parents still paid for my college so I worked part time and went to school full time. We were very poor and I was never home. By the time some of the pressure was off we didn't have much of a marriage left. Then she was diagnosed. I promised her I would never leave her and we tried for a bit to have a real marriage but it didn't last. I started working longer hours and she started turning my son against me. She hated having to depend on me to clean her, or to dress, or eat. When she needed constant care I moved her into a nursing home. Seth moved out that same day."

"I'm so sorry Edward. Did you see other women?"

He looked at me and smiled, "One day I had to get a CD to Jasper with some graphic changes I needed right away. He told me to meet him at a nightclub. I noticed this incredible woman dancing alone. She looked at me and it felt like she was dancing just for me."

My fork stopped in mid air. "She was, you know."

"Yea, I found that out the following weekend when she walked into my office." He looked a little embarrassed by his admission.

This time my fork fell onto the plate and my hand covered my mouth. "You mean that was the first sex you had for like, what? Like years?"

"Well, the first time ever for that particular act."

I actually had to shake my head to clear my thoughts. I had about a million things coming to my mind at the same time.

"Edward," I asked quietly, "Did you have sex with anyone after I left?"

"Nope," he said popping the P at the end.

My eyes were darting back and forth like a crazy person. He finally laughed and said, "I guess I kind of fell in love with the girl that danced for me. I didn't want anybody else. And then she so eloquently reminded me I wasn't really free to be in a relationship."

I sat my plate down next to me. I had never in my life been so ashamed of myself. I wanted to vomit or run away. This perfect man was holding a mirror up and I hated what I was seeing. I never gave one moments thought to what was going on it other peoples lives. The men I picked up were for my selfish use and I just assumed I meant nothing to them, too.

"How can you even stand to look at me," I whispered.

He stayed where he was and looked at me so adoringly it almost broke my heart. "Because I love you so completely," he said in a matter of fact tone.

"I want you to know I have really changed. I'll want only you forever and if I could take any of it back I would." I didn't mean just the things I did to him, but for everything I had done in my past.

"As long as you don't take back the dancing, or the visit to my office, or the life changing conference, or that awful day that only your eyes got me through, or the reality slap that made me see I needed professional help or most of all the meeting with Mr. Marshal."

He actually got me to smile. He didn't regret anything so why should I. Everything that happened led me to this exact spot, so no, I wouldn't regret it. I was about to tell him again how much I loved him when the door bell rang.

I screamed and jumped from the counter into Edward's arms. He quickly hugged me tight saying he was expecting someone and for me not to worry. I couldn't let go of his shirt I had fisted in my hands. He had to peel my fingers off to get free of me.

"Bella, relax love, I know who it is. I am expecting someone. Please don't worry. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He walked backward toward the door with his hands out trying to reassure me. I followed, but made sure to stay far behind.

He opened the door and a young teenage girl stood there with a grocery bag in her hand. "Here ya go Mr. Cullen. Everything you could possibly want."

He pulled out his wallet and handed the girl what looked like a one hundred dollar bill. She beamed and turned to run off.

"What's going on Edward," I asked cautiously.

He brought the bag over to me and opened it wide so I could see the contents. "Banana splits. I guess my fax was more like a phone call to the neighbor girl."

"You scared the shit out of me for banana splits?"

"No, I fulfilled your every wish by getting banana splits. And if you care to share anymore desires I will make sure to fulfill those, too."

**Edward**

We made a mess of the kitchen making the biggest banana splits I had ever eaten. We were stuffed and starting to play with our food by sticking our fingers in the bowl and wiping it on the other person. I finally grabbed Bella's wrist before she could wipe chocolate syrup under my nose for a mustache and stuck her finger in my mouth. She stopped trying to pull away when she saw I was sucking on her finger and not about to let go. She leaned in and put her second finger in her own mouth and started sucking on it along with me. This woman was going to be the death of me. I instantly got hard and right at that moment her cell phone rang.

She froze. I backed off her finger and picked up her phone. It was Charlie so I answered. "Hello, Charlie. I assume you have talked with Emmett."

"_Edward, how's Bella holding up". _

"Good, would you like to speak with her?" I handed the phone to Bella.

"Hi Dad…Yeah, I'm fine…Maybe this guy just wants to say hello or something. Maybe he is someone I went to school with and he is just looking me up. If I tell him about Edward he may just go away."

After a few minutes she handed the phone back to me. I noticed how her hopeful expression was entirely gone now.

"_Edward this is much worse than we originally thought. I didn't tell Bella this and you can do whatever you think best, but this guy is one sick son-of-a-bitch"._

"Okay, let's have it."

"_There was a box in the mail today addressed to Bella. It wasn't post marked, so he actually put it in our mail box."_

"Did you open it? What was it?" It took Charlie a moment to answer and he lowered his voice as if he didn't want someone to hear.

"_It was a kitten's decapitated head wrapped in a pair of Bella's underwear." _

I instinctually turned my back and lowered my voice, too. "Are you sure?"

"_Yeah, Sue recognized them as ones she just washed. He's been inside the house."_

"Fuck."

It took me a moment to calm down. "Charlie, I'm not letting her come home. I'm not letting her out of my sight."

"_I think that's best for now. I also think we need to have Seth stay here for a few days. I don't want the guy following him home. He already knows about Jake so we can only hope he doesn't know about you or Seth. They are going to a concert tonight and I will have police protection for both of them here at the house." _

"I'll talk to our neighborhood association and make sure everyone is extra careful about buzzing anyone through the gate. Do you think you'll be able to find him?"

"_We have a first name and a description. He has to be staying somewhere around here so we should be able to root him out." _

"Okay, keep us up on any developments and Charlie, thank you for trusting me to take care of her."

"_It lets me do what I need to do. I just got my baby girl, I'm not about to let some sick piece of…"_

His voice broke and he wasn't able to finish. "I know, Charlie, I know."

I shut the phone and turned to look at Bella. She was curled up on the couch, her arms tight around her knees with her head down rocking back and forth. I bent down in front of her and whispered, "Hey."

She looked up and a lump formed in my throat. She looked so scared and so vulnerable. Just a moment ago she was a sexy vixen who had control of my entire being with just a simple look. Now, she was shaking and needed me to make her feel safe.

"Hiding out in this house isn't going to do us any good. Let's get Sam and go for a walk around the neighborhood. Nobody can get in here and we can enjoy some sun before it gets dark."

She nodded and took my hand and stood. I could feel her shaking so I tightened my grip on her hand. She held one of my hands and had her other hand on my arm as we walked slowing. Sam ran around us trying to get our attention. I didn't make him walk on a leash since we were staying in the neighborhood.

"What did my dad tell you?" she finally asked.

"That I get to keep you with me for a while longer." I kissed her head. She nodded but didn't ask anything else.

"Let me show you something. Sam, sit." Sam ran up to me and sat in front of me. "Here." I pointed to Bella's feet and Sam moved in front of her.

"Protect." I walked a few feet away and then turned toward Bella. Sam instantly stood and a low growl formed in his throat. I reached out with my hand and Sam let loose with a ferocious bark. I noticed Bella smile.

"Now tell him firmly, Done, so he doesn't rip me apart."

Bella looked at Sam and gave the command. He went back to his aimless wandering. Her face lit up.

"Wow, how does he do that?"

"I spent a lot of money having him trained. If he is under a protect command all you have to say is attack and whoever takes one step in your direction will be very sorry. I hope it helps you feel a little safer. I'll have him sleep outside our bedroom from now on."

"Our bedroom?" she asked with a raise of her eyebrow.

"You know, you can save me a lot of courting time and money and just move in permanently." I knew that would probably scare her more than some crazed stalker.

"Ask me later, at the right time, and in the right way."

I stopped in my tracks but she just kept walking. She threw her head back in laugher and yelled to Sam, "Better go save your daddy!"

We walked around the neighborhood for over an hour and I noticed how much she relaxed. She was still smiling and teasing by the time we decided to come home.

**14**

**TRADE **

**Bella**

It had been two weeks and not one word from James. No more calls or showing up at people's homes. Dad had put out feelers in Portland and Seattle, but no motels came forward with any information. I made Edward go back to work and felt totally safe with Sam protecting me. Seth came home and seemed really okay with my relationship with his dad. He spent most weekends with Jake but that would end in a couple of days when school started again.

Rose and Alice came to Edward's home a few times to work but we were quickly getting back into the routine of working at our own places. I talked with Charlie and Sue every night and I was really starting to miss them. They met us for dinner twice, but it was so much trouble to make sure they weren't being followed that I felt guilty asking them again.

I told Edward I was going to the office at Rose's house and promised I wouldn't go near my own home just yet. I was convinced James had moved on to another obsession or had been arrested for a different cause. I honestly felt safe again.

It was so good to be back at Rose's. We spent the morning making follow up calls with clients who had not committed and actually closed a couple of deals over the phone. We ate lunch and put Emma down for a nap. We worked for awhile more and then collapsed on the couch gossiping about our men like a couple of fish wives. I was about to leave when Jake called my cell phone.

"Hey, handsome."

"_Um….Bella…um…my truck broke down. Can you come get me?"_ He sounded funny and I thought he felt bad for imposing.

"Sure Jake. It's no problem at all. Where are you?"

"_I'm at Judsen Lake. Um…the east route from the park entrance."_

"Okay, keep an eye out for me. Do you need me to bring cables or gas or anything?"

"_No. And Bella you'll see me., I'm wearing the shirt mom got me for my birthday."_

My heart froze and I felt my knees give out.

"Jake," I said shakily, "I gotcha. I'll be right there."

We constantly teased about the neon green shirt Sue bought Jake for his birthday. He said he wouldn't be caught dead in that shirt and would only wear it if his life was in mortal danger.

I turned to Rose and grabbed her arms. "Oh my God. he's got Jake."

She grabbed her phone and I dove at her to snatch it out of her hands. "No Rose, I have to go and make him let Jake go. The police can't get involved until after Jake is free."

"Are you insane," she screamed. "You can't do this. Think of Edward. Let Charlie and Emmett handle this."

"I will let them handle it as soon as I get James to trade Jake for me. Rose, I couldn't go on if Jake gets hurt because of me. I would rather be dead than let that happen."

She stared at me for a moment and then pulled me to a back room. "Here put this on." She threw me a large thick sweatshirt. I didn't know what she was doing but I just threw it on. I rolled the sleeves to my wrists.

She pulled something shiny out of a box and held it up. "Watch very carefully," she instructed. She placed her fingers where the handle curved inward and squeezed. A very sharp knife shot out from the end. She pushed on an indentation on the bottom of the handle and the blade instantly pulled back in. She did it twice to make sure I got it.

Grabbing the sweat shirt she pulled up the bottom band and showed me a small slit on the underside below the two pockets. She pushed the thin knife into the slit. It was completely hidden and you couldn't even feel it when you ran your hands along the band.

Then she handed me a large set of keys with a big key chain. "If he tells you to throw your keys or give them to him you use these. Do you understand? Keep your real keys in the ignition no matter what."

I kept nodding my head numbly trying to focus on what she was saying.

"I'm giving you a fifteen minute head start and then I'm calling Emmett. Just stay alive and he will come save you. Do whatever you have to do to stay alive."

"I love you, Rose," I mumbled and headed out the door.

It was as if time stopped. I got more clarity the closer I got to the lake. As I pulled into the entrance I hit the button to clear my mileage. I decided I wasn't going to do anything until he let Jake go. I would offer myself as a trade. It was me he wanted anyway.

I saw Jake's truck. I glanced at the mileage…3 miles exactly. I passed his truck and turned around facing the car towards the exit and pulled in front of the truck. I turned off the car and pretended to put the keys in my pocket. I was actually checking to see if the other set was still there. I opened the car door and stood taking a look all around me. My phone rang. It was Jake.

"Hey," I said hesitantly.

"_It looks like you finally decided to join me_," an unfamiliar voice spoke.

"Who is this?" I looked around wildly.

"_I can see you_."

"Where's Jake?" I demanded.

"_He's keeping me company until you get up here_."

Up. He said the word Up. I turned to look up the hill on the North side of the road. The trees were too thick for me to see very far.

"Let him go and I will come join you." I tried to sound confident and calm.

"_I don't trust you, Bella_."

"Okay, let's make a deal. I will throw my keys over the side of the hill and walk up half way. Once I see Jake get in his truck you can come get me."

_I have my own plan, but we can play your way, too. Throw your keys and start climbing and I will tell you where to go._

I pulled out the fake keys and threw them as far as I could on the south side of the road. I began climbing and he told me to move to the left. I followed his instructions to a large tree that was lying sideways. He told me to look to the tree right below and put my arms around it and put on the hand cuffs which were lying at the base.

I locked one cuff making sure I put it around the rolled sleeves instead of my wrist. I would have room to pull my hand out when I decided to make a run for it. I refused to put on the other cuff until I saw Jake at the truck.

After several minutes I heard the sound of someone walking. I looked around frantically to see where the noise was coming from. Suddenly I saw Jake, he was limping and his eye was swollen shut, but he was heading to the truck. His head was down as if he was following implicit instructions. I wanted to run to him and tell him how sorry I was, but I couldn't move; couldn't speak. I watched him get in his truck and drive off.

"_Now put on the other cuff and keep climbing. If you try to run I will blow your head off. I have you right in my sight."_

I felt such a relief to have Jake safe, a calm spread over me. I looked down as I climbed not wanting to make eye contact. When I finally came to a ridge he told me to stop. I felt a hand reach out and grab me by the front of the sweatshirt. I didn't scream or show any reaction at all. I continued to stare at the ground. He walked around me feeling over my shirt and pants. He pulled my phone out of my pocket and snapped it in two pieces then threw it behind him. I felt the end of a gun push into the back of my head as he told me to keep walking. I had been counting my steps. I was twenty-five steps up from the road and fifteen south of my car when he told me to stop. He pushed my head down and I saw a low entrance to what looked like a cave.

I started to climb through when he used his foot to push me as hard forward as possible. My hands instinctively flew in front of me and I crashed hard against a wall. My left wrist felt a sharp pain that I was sure broke something. I hissed in pain but tried not to make too much noise. The cave was completely dark I could only see his shadow blocking the entrance. I tried to feel my way along the wall to get away from him, but he grabbed me by the hair and threw me as hard as he could in the other direction. My head hit something hard and snapped back. I fell to the floor and could feel blood running down my face then everything just stopped.

When I woke up my head was pounding and my wrist was so swollen I didn't think the cuff would come off. I heard James muttering to himself outside the cave. He came back inside and told me to crawl over to him. I didn't move until he told me he had on night vision goggles and could see me very clearly. I scooted to him and he pulled me up by my hair.

We climbed out of the cave and rain was beginning to fall. It wasn't totally dark yet but it was getting close. He told me to climb further up the hill. I noticed he was breathing hard and kept his hand on my sweatshirt not only to keep me from escaping but to help pull him along.

He wasn't in good physical shape. I decided when I ran I would need to run up hill. He would have a hard time keeping up with me. He pulled me to a stop when we reached a large bolder. He pushed my back against the rock and he stood on a small boulder pushing up his body up against me. His head could see over the rock I was against and I was trapped tightly. He pulled the goggles down over his eyes looking over my head and began to snicker. "Perfect. Oh yes, just as I planned."

He finally pulled back and looked down at me. My head was still bleeding and dripping down my face. He leaned in and turned my head to the side, placing his tongue flat against my cheek he licked the blood from my jaw to my forehead. I wanted to vomit, but I held perfectly still keeping my eyes down.

"The water will clean you up," he whispered into my ear, "And make you all pretty before I cut your head off."

My stomach lurched and I bit down hard on my lip so the bile wouldn't make its way out. He was now playing with my hair, licking strands that he put in his mouth. I concentrated on Rose's words, "Stay alive and Emmett will come save you."

After several looks over my head with the night vision goggles he finally started pulling me back down the hill. We passed the cave and continued our downward path. I guessed we were heading to the lake since he talked about water.

When we got to the road he pushed me low into a squatting position. He was looking around frantically. I took the opportunity to release my right hand out of the cuff. I slipped the cuff slightly over the left fingers causing pain to shoot up my arm. I quickly found the knife hidden in the sweatshirt and pulled it into my palm. He pushed me forward and we ran crouched down across the road. The incline heading down this side was very steep and I knew I needed to act now. He was keeping me in front of him the entire time.

I pulled back suddenly and turned my right leg at a weird angle. "I'm stuck on something," I said while bending toward my leg. James let go of my shirt and moved to let the back pack he was wearing fall to the ground. The gun pointed away while he did this.

I pushed the spot Rose had shown me on the knife and plunged the blade into his thigh with all my strength. As he screamed and grabbed for the knife I pushed him forward as hard as I could. He flew down the step incline. I didn't wait to see if he rolled all the way down or stopped just past me. I was running up the hill. Right as I crested onto the flat road I heard a gun shot.

I couldn't see my car, but it was raining hard and I knew we had moved south of its location. I ran as hard as I could. Adrenaline was flowing and the wet dirt was making me slip. It felt like a dream where you can't get traction no matter how hard you pump your legs. I could hear noises all around me. I could feel his breath on my neck and his hand reaching out for me. I didn't look back to see if it was real. I just kept running.

There it was; my car, my escape. I jumped in and hit the automatic lock. My hands were shaking so bad and my left hand couldn't grab anything. I turned the key and hit the gas. The car tires spun for a second and finally grabbing purchase lunged forward. I tuned on my lights and wipers but couldn't see more than a few feet in front of me. Every shadow looked like James coming out of the trees.

It seemed like an eternity before I came around a curve to see the park entrance. My emotions were in full panic mode and I was hyperventilating. Flashing lights were everywhere. I couldn't tell where they started or where they ended, red, blue and yellow blinding me and turning everything into slow motion. I slammed on the breaks, skidding to a stop. I jumped from the car without turning off the engine. I threw my hand up trying to see beyond the blinding lights as I ran forward. I didn't make it far before my legs gave out and I collapsed into a ball on the ground.

I heard heavy steps running toward me and I pulled tighter into a ball. When I felt a hand on me I instinctively screamed and began flailing my good arm in a weak attempt to protect myself. I only became aware of a voice when I was lifted like a rag doll into huge strong arms.

"It's Emmett. I've got you. You're safe."

I still couldn't open my eyes. If it was a dream I didn't want to wake up. Emmett had saved me just like Rose said he would.

Chaos was going on around me and I was trying to shut it all out. I felt someone grab me out of Emmett's arms as I tried to reach out and pull myself back to him.

"Baby girl, my baby girl."

"Dad?" I screamed. I buried myself in his chest and held on with all my strength. I was sobbing uncontrollably now and still couldn't open my eyes. I was okay if life ended now. I was with my dad and nothing James could do would ruin this hallucination.

I felt another body come against my other side and press against me wrapping arms around me and my dad.

"Bella, we've got you," her soft voice assured me. I knew it was Sue but I could only form one word, "Mom."

At that moment a third body wrapped around me. It didn't speak but I could hear soft crying. It took a moment to register but my mind pulled out of the fog and my eyes flew open.

"Jake, are you alright? Did he hurt you? I am so sorry, Jake, I never meant to hurt you." I was babbling like a crazy person.

Suddenly courage bubbled up inside me. I was livid that some piece of scum could try to destroy what meant so much to me. I turned to find Emmett. "He is exactly 3 miles and 25 paces down the east road. I pushed him down over the south side of the road. He has a knife in his leg. I heard only one gun shot, I think. His gun has a clip and he has night vision goggles."

Emmett turned and ran followed by several officers. Charlie called over a paramedic who led Jake and me to a waiting ambulance. "Can we ride together?" Jake asked.

Under the bright lights in the ambulance I could see his injuries better. He had a huge purple bump in his eyebrow that swelled out causing the eye to remain closed. His leg had a huge gash over the knee that would need stitches and his knee was swollen to three times its normal size.

I could see my reflection in the window and it looked like mud streaking down my face. I knew it wasn't mud so I just turned my head and didn't look. My wrist was swollen and my fingers looked like the skin would burst from being puffed-up so tight. I was still wearing the handcuff and didn't think to see if one of the officers could remove them.

Jake and I were both wrapped in a warm blanket and sat silently on the gurney we used as a makeshift sofa. The paramedic was talking on a radio to the hospital giving information on our injuries. He leaned in close to me and asked, "Do we need a rape kit?"

"No, he didn't touch me." I said loudly. Jake let out a jagged breath that formed into a loud sob. He put his arm around me and leaned his forehead lightly against my hair.

As soon as we arrived at the hospital we were separated. I was x-rayed and cleaned up and then had to sign some papers to allow a doctor to perform surgery on the gash along my forehead and to insert a metal pin in my wrist. A plastic surgeon was called in to work on the gash. He would cut off more skin to make the scar even and as unnoticeable as possible.

I was only vaguely aware of being brought into my room after the surgery. I could sense being lifted and placed in a bed and could feel a hard cast on my arm. I felt someone in bed with me holding me tight and drifted off into the wonderful dream I was having.

Nurses came in and out checking my vitals and the I.V throughout the night. I never awoke fully and continued to feel the warm presence behind me holding me tight.

I was beginning to feel pain. It was across my head and especially in my arm. It became uncomfortable enough to make me open my eyes. I looked at the arm lying across my waist and recognized the watch. I attempted to turn in the bed but gasped in pain.

"Don't move, love," he spoke quietly. "What do you need?"

"It hurts." Was all I could manage.

He arose and pushed a button calling the nurse. He came to the other side of the bed and sat where I could see him, and began stroking my hair.

"I love you," I whispered.

His eyes became wet and he swallowed hard, unable to speak. I waited for him to say something but he never spoke.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked. He didn't speak but shook his head back and forth.

A nurse came in at that moment. Seeing my eyes open she turned on the light. I groaned and shut my eyes. She injected something in my I.V. and I instantly felt like I was floating.

As soon as she left the room I looked at Edward. "How's Jake?"

"He's good. They didn't make him stay. He took quite a beating, but he should heal completely."

The door opened again and I looked up to see Charlie and Emmett walk in. They both looked tired and still had on their uniforms.

Emmett broke into a one of his huge smiles that he was famous for, but Charlie remained somber as he leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"Baby girl, we need to ask you a few questions. I know you would rather rest but we need to get this wrapped up."

"Did you catch him?"

Dad looked at Edward and back to me. Edward shook his head at Emmett.

"What?" I asked as panic began rising in me. "Did he get away? Is he still out there?"

Dad patted my leg to calm me down as he began explaining. "We found him right where you said he would be. He had shot himself in the mouth. He's dead."

I felt unimaginable relief. It was over. No trial, no looking over my shoulder, no more constant fear. I felt the tears running down my cheeks. Not tears of sorrow but of reprieve.

Emmett sat on the lower part of the bed as gently as his large frame would allow. "Jake was able to get the guy to talk quite a bit. He lived in your apartment complex in Texas and I guess you did something nice for him once."

I felt my cheeks burn hot with embarrassment. Edward reached over and took hold of my good hand and gave me an encouraging squeeze.

"Something about keeping quiet about him having a gerbil or a ferret or something," Emmett continued.

"A minx," I quickly offered. "Yeah, now I remember. He lived below me and everyone was complaining about the smell. I told the landlord I never noticed anything. I don't think I ever saw the guy face to face or even spoke directly to him."

"Well, it was enough for a psycho to develop a crush."

"But that was years ago," I protested.

"Yeah well, he saw news coverage about what happened at Carlisle Corp. last year. It reignited his burning desires," Emmett added with a chuckle.

I looked at Edward. He smiled knowing what I was thinking. It wasn't someone I had hooked up with. It wasn't a scorned lover. It was someone I had been kind to and had no contact at all.

Turning back to Emmett I decided to lay everything out in the open. "I wouldn't look at him or talk to him. The only thing he really said to me was that he wanted to cut off my head." Edward instantly stiffened.

Emmett rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Yeah, it was sort of his M.O. Sicko's like him like to take trophies, something to look at and relive their perversion over and over again."

I noticed a strained look between my Dad and Edward.

"Well," Dad added. "He filled Jake full of sordid details that luckily we can thank God he didn't get a chance to fulfill. Jake told us all about the phone call and Rose gave us her version."

I watched as Emmett swelled with pride. "Shit boss, we may have to add Rose to the payroll."

"She saved my life," I added vehemently. "And Jake, he was amazing giving me a clue like that."

"Do you think you feel up to talking with him for a minute?" Dad asked. "The kid is really shaken up and feels responsible."

"Responsible, NO! He's my hero, why would he think that?"

Edward rose and mumbled, "I'll send him in." As he walked out the door.

I starred dumbly at the door.

"Edward will be okay. He just had to face his biggest fear. It will take him a bit to get his feet under him again. It's not easy to have to sit back and not be able to do anything, especially for a man," Dad assured me. "He loves you very much."

The door opened slowly and Jake walked in with his head down not looking at anyone. Dad put his hands on his shoulders and pushed him softly toward the bed.

I sat up even though my head felt like it had been kicked and put on a big smile that actually hurt my pores. He finally lifted his head enough to look at me. The swelling in his eye had gone down considerably and was replaced with a distinct black circle.

"I guess I owe you a pretty big Christmas gift," I teased.

He just shook his head sadly.

"Jake," I spoke softly. "Please don't let him take you from me."

He looked at me confused. "I'm sorry. I should have been stronger."

"Yeah, you should have been able to take a shit kicking, warn me he had you, and then go get help. Wait, you did that so just exactly what are you sorry for?"

"I didn't want to call you. I refused but then he started talking about killing me and going after mom. He said he was going to cut her into pieces and send them to dad. Then told me he didn't want to kill anyone but he would if he couldn't talk to you. He said he just wanted to talk to you face to face. He promised me he wouldn't hurt you." Jake's body began shaking.

"He didn't hurt me Jake." I tried to sooth him. "I hurt my wrist climbing into the cave and cut my head trying to run in the dark." I didn't need to give him details.

"He dislocated my knee," Jake continued. "I could have taken him, but he kicked out my knee to make us even."

"Jake you beat him using your head not your muscles. He had a gun. Emmett wouldn't have been able to do any better and look at what a Neanderthal he is." I winked at Emmett, and Jake actually smiled a little.

"Hey," I whispered. Jake leaned in closer to me. "You should have seen the look on his face when I plunged the knife into his leg. Maybe he should have kicked out the girls knee not the kid with a six pack."

At that Jake broke into an authentic smile and whispered back. "I guess you can have my bathroom all to yourself. I don't want to piss you off." He threw his arms around me and kissed my cheek.

A nurse stuck her head in the room. "We have a slew of visitors out here; do you want me to send them away?"

Dad and Emmett moved toward the door. "We're done here if you feel up to visitors." I nodded. Jake stood and followed them out after blowing me a kiss.

"I can't be friends with you anymore," Rose growled as she entered the room with Alice. "What the fuck, Bella, do you really need all this attention."

"Shut the hell up and come hug me, you bitch."

Rose wrapped her arms tightly around me and didn't let up. "You really scared me," she whispered into my ear.

"You saved my life. I love you," I whispered back.

Alice bounded over to the bed pushing Rosalie out of the way. "Don't hog all the emotional bonding." She leaned over to kiss me then squealed loudly, "A cast! I get to be the first to sign it," as she dug into her large purse pulling out a sharpie.

As she began her artwork I asked, "How's Edward? He seems really…I don't know….just weird."

"Oh God, Bella," Rose began. "Calling him was so painful. He totally freaked. I don't know how he drove from Seattle. Emmett had an officer call me the second they found you and I called Edward to tell him the good news. He drove right to the hospital and a nurse told me he looked so bad they let him stay in your room with you."

Alice looked up at me from her doodling and added, "Jasper is with him right now. Edward's not handling this very well."

"What should I do?" I asked them both.

"Just reassure him how much you love him. He'll calm down, just give it time." Rose advised. "And if he dumps you ask him if we can still get his client lists."

We all broke into laughter and the door opened revealing Jasper. "Is this a hospital or a sorority?"

"Look at my drawing sweetie," Alice declared lifting my arm.

"Ow," I winced.

Jasper leaned over looking at my cast. His eyebrows rose as he said, "You know she is getting out of here at some point, right?"

"What did you do?" I demanded trying to see what she drew. Alice just put the cap back on the sharpie and dismissed my concerns with a wave of her hand.

Rose took a mirror out of her purse and held it up to the back of the cast. There was a perfect drawing of wonder woman, with very enhanced breasts, wielding a knife. I couldn't' help but laugh.

I looked at Jasper. "Is he okay?'

Jasper shrugged and patted my leg. "He just needed to let it all out. The thought of losing you really scared him."

I laid my head back no longer able to fight the medication. We chatted a little longer and when most of the conversation turned to work Jasper escorted them out of the room turning the light off.

Just a few seconds later I heard the door open. I assumed it was Edward and patted the spot on the bed next to me.

"Bella?" A soft voice called.

I immediately smiled without opening my eyes, "Mom."

Sue sat next to me rubbing my leg. "I'm very proud of how brave you were, and I want to thank you for saving Jake. I couldn't bear to lose either of you."

"Do you think Jake will be okay? I know he blames himself right now and that breaks my heart."

"We will heal each other as a family. We won't forget, but we'll move forward."

"Do you regret…" I began.

She immediately put her fingers to my lips. "Never, not for a single moment."

"Edward's upset," I sighed.

"Yes, he is," she said as a fact. "I was a mess, but I had Charlie to reassure me. Edward was alone and facing the thought of losing someone he just found. Men also feel like our protectors. He feels like he failed you."

"I want to fix it, but I don't know what to do."

"Oh sweetie," she smiled, "Not everything can be fixed. They just have to be lived."

"Lived?" I smiled. "Yes, I lived through this."

"Yes you did."

"Can you ask him to come back in here?"

She kissed my hand and stood to leave. "Bella?" she hesitated. "I love it when you call me Mom."

"I love you, mom."

"I love you too."

I waited for what seemed like hours. It was getting harder and harder to fight the medication when there wasn't any conversation to concentrate on. I don't know how many times I faded in and out when I finally heard the door open.

"Edward?" I called out in fear.

"I'm here."

"Don't leave me, please don't stop loving me." I couldn't help the desperation in my voice. I was sure he felt I was too much trouble, that my lack of relationship experience finally pushed him over the edge. Who would want someone that causes so much pain and tragedy in your life?

He crawled up on the bed and spooned in behind me placing his cheek beside mine. I could feel his tears running down onto my face. "Don't leave me, please don't stop loving me," he repeated.

15

**Confusion**

**Edward**

I couldn't shake the feelings of doubt I was having. I couldn't get past the fact she didn't even try to contact me before she drove off to meet that sick fucker. Her father was the police chief for Gods sake. She made the decision on her own. She didn't think about what it would do to me if I lost her. She wasn't as invested as I was, meaning she was still selfish.

I also knew if she stayed true to form she would leave. I am sure she would tell herself she tried the whole domesticated life and it didn't turn out. I was going to have a fight on my hands and I wasn't even sure if fighting to keep her would do me any good. Maybe she would stay this time but something was always going to come up. It would just be something else that would make her want to run. I couldn't sleep and laid there all night battling with myself.

The next morning a nurse walked in and I felt Bella stir. She pulled her I.V. hand under the covers. When the nurse walked up to her side of the bed Bella told her she didn't want any medication.

"Love, you need to rest in order to heal. Just take the medication."

"No," she insisted, "I want to talk to you and I want to be clear when I do."

_Shit here it comes. _

"Can you come back later?" I asked the nurse.

I was still lying on the bed wrapped around Bella when Charlie walked in. I sat up immediately and motioned for him to have a seat.

"You don't have to leave, Edward," he assured me.

"No, I really need a cup of coffee. Go ahead and have a seat." I kissed Bella on the cheek and left.

I got breakfast and coffee and sat in the cafeteria. I felt so confused. I was pissed and I wasn't sure why. I was scared and hated the reason why. I decided I wasn't going to fight to make her stay. I would rather let go now than later. It would hurt less now.

I stayed in the cafeteria longer than I meant so I refreshed my coffee and headed back to her room. As I exited the elevator I ran into Charlie.

"Edward, I was hoping to run into you. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

We walked into the family waiting area. "Um…Bella wanted me to tell you. Well, I guess I'm going to help her get away for…."

"Great Charlie, don't worry about it. It's fine." I knew I was being rude, but I was not going to have this conversation with Charlie. It was painful enough to have it with Bella and she obviously didn't want to do this with me personally. I headed down the hallway and decided if she could run so could I. I threw my coffee in the trash and turned around and headed out of the hospital.

I had a conference in San Francisco in a week and then a Managers meeting in Atlanta the following week. I decided I would head to Arizona and visit my parents. I hadn't seen them in awhile and was really hoping I would bring Bella with me some day to meet them. If I left right away I could manage to be gone for three weeks. Hopefully that would give me time to get my head screwed back on straight.

I called Lauren and asked her to book me on a flight to Phoenix. I only needed enough time to run by the house and pack some bags, check on Sam and make sure Seth would be around. He started school and I hated to dump everything on him right now, but I'm sure he would like having the house to himself now that he was spending so much time with Emily.

I felt like a coward for running off and not facing the pain, but I also knew this pain would drive me to the bottle and that was too big of a mistake to make. I had to get away and put myself back together. So I ran.

**Bella **

I woke up expecting to see Edward, but he never came. I didn't have a cell phone anymore and figured something must have come up at work. I took the medication and slept the hours away. When I was finally released Charlie took the entire family to Banff, Canada. Jake was in a knee brace and I was still in an arm cast but we had fun anyway. We took scenic drives, got massages, and just bonded as a family.

The most therapeutic part of the whole vacation was the late night talks between Jake and me. We discussed in detail what had happened to us. We cried and laughed and thanked each other. We decided we would let the entire experience have a positive effect and not take our loved ones for granted. We knew what it felt like to believe you would never see someone again and we vowed to appreciate the time we had.

When I got home the first thing on my agenda was to get a new cell phone. I was a little disturbed that Edward had not called Jake's phone to talk to me. I had left messages but he never returned my calls. I finally called his office and talked to Lauren. She told me he was going to be gone for three weeks. That was when panic filled me.

This was too much for him. He was trying so hard to accept my past but going through all of this pushed him over the edge. Of course he didn't want to commit to a woman so messed up. He was too good of a person to take on my baggage. He hung in long enough to protect me and now that I am safe he wants out. I couldn't blame him.

I moved on with life, trying to lose myself in work. Whenever Rose or Alice would bring up the subject I would just tell them Edward was really busy. I knew I was going to have to tell them eventually but it hurt too badly to talk about it right now.

I was at Alice's place going over her concept designs when she finally demanded I sit down and talk to her. It had been a month since Edward left and she wasn't letting me ignore it any longer.

"What happened to you guys," she asked. "You were the perfect couple?"

"I don't really know"

Alice lifted her eyebrows as if to say she wasn't buying that line.

"I honestly don't know. He left the hospital one morning and I never heard from him again. I can only assume he just got tired of dealing with all my crap. It was too much for him."

"Wait, Jasper told me you broke up with Edward."

"What? No, I didn't. Edward left me."

"Something is really screwed up here because Edward said you were moving away. Rose and I were just waiting for you to tell us and we were going to rip you a new one."

"Why would Edward think that?"

"He told Jasper that Charlie told him he was helping you move away."

"I have no idea what you are talking about." I grabbed my phone and called my dad.

"Dad what did you say to Edward when you told him we were going to get away as a family for a few days?"

"Well, hello to you too, baby girl."

"Sorry, but I just really need to know exactly what was said."

"He was kind of put out over the whole thing and told me it was fine and walked away. I just thought he was tired and stressed. It was kind of a difficult time for all of us."

"I know, but what _EXACTLY _did you say."

"I said something like I was going to help you get away or get you away or something like that. Why am I in the dog house for something?"

"No, dad, you're fine. Thanks. I'm just being female. You know how we can be."

I looked at Alice. "I think we had a misunderstanding. Oh God, how can I be so stupid. I just let him walk out of my life and didn't even realize it."

"Well, go drag his ass back into your life."

I drove straight to his office, but the closer I got the angrier I became. How could he have such little faith in me…in us? How could he just walk away and not even tell me he was leaving me?

When I got to his office Lauren was sitting at her desk. She informed me there was a staff meeting going on in Edward's office. I asked her to call and tell him I just needed a moment of his time.

She sat the phone back down and looked at me sheepishly. "I'm sorry Bella, but he said you will have to wait."

Like hell I was going to wait. I burst into his office and saw him sitting at the end of the conference table. Everything else faded into the background. I wasn't even aware of the others sitting there.

"I've waited a fucking month and I am not waiting a second more," I screamed at him.

He stood up slowly and glared at me. "You come back and expect me to welcome you like the prodigal? Maybe you're okay with leaving, but I'm not."

"I never left, you ass. My father took us on a three day vacation. _YOU_ left."

I saw the heat rise from his neck into his face. "You left the second you got in that car and headed to the lake."

I stepped forward and pounded my fist on the table. "I had to save my brother!" I screamed even louder.

"You had fucking choices, Bella!" He screamed back. "You didn't think about us. You did what Bella wanted to do and didn't consider the consequences. Maybe you didn't run this time, but you know damn well it is only a matter of time. What happens when you get bored, or when things get too tough, or when I can't compete with the _thousands _of men you've had?"

I recoiled back as if he had slapped in the face. My entire body was filled with loathing as I regained my voice. "I changed, Edward. I opened my heart and let people in. You put people in little boxes where you can control them…give them a command and watch how well you've trained them. You didn't change; you just made your boxes a little larger."

I turned and opened the door. Before walking out I looked back at him. I couldn't believe he could say something so hurtful to me. I wiped my tears away and said calmly, "There was never any competition, nobody compared to you." Then I walked out of his office and out of his life.

**Edward**

I couldn't believe what I had just said. I threw her past into her face after telling her so many times it didn't matter to me. My stupid male ego was ruining the best thing I ever had. I thought after fixing things with Seth I didn't need therapy any longer. I was obviously wrong.

Jasper cleared his throat bringing my attention back to the room. "Go after her, Edward."

I couldn't. My hands were shaking and only one thing was going to bring me any relief.

"I'm very sorry for how unprofessional that whole scene was. Please forgive me. The meeting's over. We'll continue at a later time."

I sat until everyone left the room. I called Lauren and told her to hold all my calls. After locking my door I pulled out the bottle of Vodka. I quickly poured a glass and downed it fast. Then I poured a second and downed that one, too. It burned my throat, but I needed to feel something. I was completely numb.

At seven p.m. I heard a light knock on the door. I was beyond drunk by this time. "Go home, Lauren," I slurred.

I heard a key unlock the door and it slowly opened. Light poured in and I closed my eyes and put my head in my arms to block it out.

"Edward, dude, let me take you home."

"Jasper, have a drink."

"No, I'm the designated driver tonight."

When we reached the security gate Jasper buzzed Seth. He let us in and came out to the car to help carry me inside. I stopped at the stairs and told them I really didn't want to go to bed. I was just going to get a drink of water and sit on the deck for a moment.

Seth followed Jasper out to his car and didn't return. I walked into the kitchen and stood staring at the island counter. It was the scene of our passion, our desire for one another that couldn't be held back any longer. I couldn't stand to look at it. I don't even know what happened after that. I remember wanting to make everything go away, every memory, every place, that would make me think of her.

The next thing I knew I heard Sam barking. I was lying in my bed and without opening my eyes I could tell the sun was coming through the windows.

**Bella**

I drove home and went straight to my bed. Everyone assumed I was having cramps or something and I didn't do anything to make them think differently. I wanted to be alone to sulk, and cry, and feel sorry for myself. And it hurt too much to talk about it right now.

At nine p.m. I got a call from Seth. He was upset and worried about his dad. He told me Jasper brought Edward home very drunk and while he was outside talking to Jasper, Edward took a hammer and destroyed the counter top in the kitchen. He was scared and had never seen his father so distraught.

I knew at that moment that we both couldn't go on like this. I loved him too much to let him push me away. I was going to have to do something I had never done before. I was going to fight to keep a man. I also knew without a doubt that he loved me. If we didn't fix this we would both be destroyed in the process. I told Seth I was coming over.

When he let me in I went straight to Edward's room. He was lying in bed snoring deeply. I went to his drawer and pulled out some boxers and a tee shirt. I struggled to take Edward's pants and shirt off of him, leaving him in his boxers and climbed in bed with him. I scooted as closely as I could against him and he instinctively curled his long body around mine.

I felt him stir when light started streaming through the window. I opened my eyes and remained very still, waiting for the realization to dawn on him that I was in his bed. I could hear Seth outside playing with Sam.

I felt Edward begin to rub his fingers up and down my arm. Maybe this wasn't going to be a big dramatic ordeal. I turned to face Edward and found his eyes were still closed.

"Don't move," he said. "Just let this stay real for a little while longer, please."

"This is real, Edward, open your eyes, I promise this is real."

He slowly opened his eyes and I couldn't help but laugh. They were bloodshot and still a little dilated.

"Tough night, tough guy?"

"Tough month," he replied while he began rubbing my arm again. "As much as I don't want to do anything to spoil this moment I have to ask, what are you doing here?"

"I got a call from Seth, he was really worried about you."

He began rubbing his hands over his eyes and then ran them through his hair. "I can't remember shit."

"Well, it seems like you took out your anger on my favorite location in this house. It's gonna cost you big time to replace the granite on the kitchen island."

He opened his eyes wide as if in disbelief.

"Guess you felt the need to hammer something. You really should have called me," I teased.

He went back to rubbing his eyes again, but a small hint of a smile crossed his face. I decided it was time to get this over with.

"I'm sorry for everything I said. And I am so sorry for all the confusion."

He sat up and turned his back to me while he dropped his head in his hands. "Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. God, if there was any way to take back what I said I would do it in an instant. You opened up to me and trusted me and I fucking threw it back at you. I acted like a child and let my insecurities get in the way."

"Edward, look at me," I begged.

He turned his head to the side, but didn't turn to fully face me. I scooted over to the edge of the bed and sat next to him, so I could look at him.

"My past is a lot to take in. I didn't expect you to accept it without needing time to process everything. But you have to understand from the moment I laid eyes on you I never wanted anyone else. When I left for San Diego I thought I could move on…but I couldn't. I have _NEVER_ come back for a man, but I came back for you. And I am back again, for you!"

"You made my life complete and when Rose called…Jesus, Bella." He dropped his head back into his hands.

"Tell me about it then, Edward. Tell me what you felt and what you went through. Share it with me." I wrapped my arms around him.

He leaned his head against mine and let out a slow breath. I knew him well enough now to know that meant he was going to talk. He spoke very quietly and I stayed perfectly still and listened.

"I had clients in my office and Lauren called through. I told her I wasn't taking calls and hung up without letting her speak. She called right back and I just hit the mute button. A few moments later she walked into my office. By this time I was really pissed. I couldn't believe she was going to embarrass me in front of a client. She told me Rosalie needed to talk to me and said it was an emergency. I assured her with Rosalie everything was an emergency and I would call her back as soon as I was free. She came back a few seconds later. This time her face was bright red from her own embarrassment. It was the only thing that kept me from unloading on her right then and there. She said Rosalie told her to say this exact phrase, 'James has Bella.'"

I cringed when he said those words and I felt a shudder run through Edward.

"I just ran. I got in my car and called Rosalie. She told me she had called Emmett, but you made her give you time to work it out on your own. I knew right then I lost you. I tried calling your cell phone but nothing happened. It wouldn't even ring. The traffic was a nightmare and I was slowly going insane. When I finally got hold of Sue she told me Jake had been released. I wanted to talk to him but they wouldn't let me. He needed to be debriefed. My life was shattering around me and they were using words like 'debriefed.' I felt useless, like I let you down. I couldn't save Tanya from the disease that ate away at her and I couldn't save you from that vile scum." He shook his head and I hugged him tighter.

"Edward," I whispered, "It was never your job to save either of us. You didn't let us down. You were a victim just as we were. Tanya's disease happened to you. You didn't cause it. James happened to you and he was conniving enough to make sure you were not around when he made Jake call me. You said I had choices, but in that moment I didn't see any other choice. He had my brother and all I could think of was saving Jake. And yes, I would give my life for his. I didn't choose Jake over you. I chose Jake over me."

"How do we save us?" he asked while finally looking at me.

"You accept my apology and I accept yours."

He took my face into his hands and pulled our foreheads together until they were touching. "I am so sorry."

I ran my good hand down his cheek and answered, "I am so sorry, too."

**Edward**

I couldn't believe how simple the solution was. I knew I still needed to check out some more therapy so I could deal with my fear of losing her, but she was here, in my bed, in my arms, and in my fucking boxers.

"I think you should wear my boxers and t-shirt at all times. They look much better on you."

"I would seriously consider doing that, but someone destroyed my island and I'm just finding it difficult to find the proper motivation."

I took her hand and headed downstairs. I had to go face the music and check out the damage. Seth came in from the back yard as we reached the kitchen. "Hey, Dad. Do you need a little hair of the dog?"

"No, I think I'm done drinking for good." I stared at the damage in front of me.

"Well, you jump right on that new kitchen remodeling project because I'm off to school. I ran with Sam so don't worry about him. See ya, Bella."

I walked around the island shaking my head. I couldn't believe I could do so much damage and not remember anything. I also couldn't believe I would want to destroy something that held such incredible memories. I jumped up on the counter directly across from the broken island and just sat and stared waiting for someone to jump out and tell me I had been punked.

I finally looked over at Bella. She was smiling and watching my reaction to my drunken debauchery.

She shook her head and began tiptoeing through the broken stone to make her way over to me. "If you feel like breaking anything today aim for my cast. I'm ready for this thing to be destroyed."

I wrapped my legs around her waist and pulled her tightly to me between my legs. She looked at me with such love and I felt the same overwhelming desire I felt the day we christened the island counter. I leaned down to kiss her and put my hand behind her head to hold her tight. It wasn't close enough or passionate enough. My hands moved all along her body and she grabbed my hair and pulled me in for hard gasping kisses.

I grabbed the bottom of my t-shirt and pulled it quickly over her head. Her hand reached into my boxers releasing my straining erection. I grabbed the edge of the counter when she began kissing down my neck and stomach. I hissed loudly and my head fell back against the cabinet as she took me completely into her mouth.

"Oh…..fuck yeah," I heard myself scream.

I couldn't form a coherent sentence. All I could think about was how it felt to have her warm mouth wrapped tightly around me. I still had alcohol in my system and the room began to spin. I was in absolute bliss and I couldn't come to terms with the emotions running through me. I loved this woman so much and I loved what she was doing to me. I finally let the whole feeling pull me under as every sight and sound slipped away. I was only feeling. And I was only feeling her.

When I finally came back to reality she looked up at me and smiled. "If you destroy _this _counter I will never forgive you."

I used my feet to start sliding my boxers off her hips when she quickly pulled them down herself and put her arms around my neck while I pulled her up onto my lap. She was sitting straddled across me naked.

"If this is what happens I think I will be destroying counters for a living!" I pulled her tightly against my chest and kissed her as deeply as possible. She began writhing against me looking for friction. I placed my hand tightly against her wet sex and watched her head roll back with a deep moan. I wasn't gentle or slow. I plunged my fingers into her matching my movements to hers. I let my arm loosen to move her away from my chest so I could have access to her breast. I attacked like a starving man. Her breath was becoming labored and her fingers were digging into my back.

"Now, Love, Cum in my arms," I whispered between her breasts. Her entire body tightened into wave after wave of spasms. I pulled my wet fingers from between her legs and wrapped my arms tightly around her naked body. "I love you, so much."

She was gasping for breath as she tried to speak. "For you Edward, that was all for you. Only you can do that to me. Only your hands."

17

**Dinner Party**

**Edward **

I insisted on throwing a big dinner party for our family and friends. I noticed how much Bella's family enjoyed entertaining and I wanted to take a crack at it. The hard part of the planning was keeping everything a secret from Bella. I wanted to do this on my own.

I admit I had to enlist Lauren's help for some of the planning, but every decision was made by me. I decided to go with a potato bar and smoked Salmon. I rented a long table so we could all fit in the same spot. The caterers had just finished setting up when people started to arrive. My game room held all the interest for the men since the Redskins were playing. The women sat in the living room laughing hysterically every time a man would walk by. Jake and Seth along with Leah and Emily were lying on the large pillows in the family room.

I was nervous and kept pacing, making sure everyone was having a good time. When everybody had a drink we decided to finally sit down to dinner. We made our plates and I asked everyone to raise their glass for a toast. I looked over the long table at all the people Bella loved the most. I was amazed at the amount of love in the room and decided my plan was absolutely perfect.

I turned to look directly at Bella. I raised my glass and cleared my throat. "Bella, I love you more than I can ever express. There is not one single thing about you I would want to change, but you make me want to be a better man. You brought love and joy into my life. You were there when life literally exploded around me. You gave me the confidence to fight for my son." My voice cracked and the tears building in her eyes washed over the sides.

"I really wanted all the people you love to be here today. You told me once to ask you at the right time and in the right way." I bent down on one knee in front of her and watched her eyes widen in shock. I was vaguely aware of Alice screaming in the background.

"Bella, will you marry me?"

**Bella **

My heart was about to pound out of my chest. I heard the table break out into applause and cat whistles but all I could see was Edward. I fell out of my chair and onto his lap. I buried my face into his neck and held him as tightly as I could.

"It was perfect Edward." I cried. "I couldn't have imagined a better proposal."

He pulled back to look at me and smiled. "I haven't heard an answer."

"Yes," I screamed, "A thousand times yes!"

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a light blue box. This brought another round of screams from Alice. He held the box out for me to open. My hand was shaking as I reached out and lifted the lid.

I couldn't speak. The ring was unbelievable. In the center was a three carat princess cut diamond. I broke out into loud sobs as he placed it on my finger. "I love you," he mouthed to me. "You are my life now."

I kissed him hard and long. Finally Rose broke through our bubble of bliss. "Okay, get off of him so we can get a better look at the ring."

I was immediately surrounded by the women all speaking at one time. Edward stood back smiling when he saw Charlie making his way towards me. They looked at each other for a minute and finally shook hands. Neither man spoke nor am I sure they needed too. Both knew how the other one felt.

I looked at my dad as my hand was still being held out for inspection. I felt a stab of sadness when I looked into his eyes. He shook his head and refused to let me dampen my joy. "You will always be my baby girl. This doesn't change anything."

I pulled my hand free and fell into his arms. I felt Sue wrap her arms around us both and then Jake's long arms joining in the moment. I reached out for Edward and pulled him into the group hug. Life was perfect!


End file.
